McDonalds Pulls a $100m 'Men in Black' Act to Make Customers Forget the E-Coli Apocalypse...

Well, friends, it appears the Golden Arches has a new motto: Dollars' to spend and Customers to win. That’s right, McDonalds is apparently backing up a girthy Brinks truck load of $100 million – all in the name of making you forget that their slivered onions left over 100 people sick, one dead, and the rest of us wondering if we should ever trust a Quarter Pounder again. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, in what presumably seems to be a dip in Ronald McDonalds retirement savings, this McHundredMillion is being split up in two parts as $65 million will be fast-tracked to those who were likely emotionally, mentally, and physically impacted by McDonalds E-Coli fiasco (a.k.a. Franchisee owners). More specifically, these are the franchises in Colorado (30 cases), Montana (19 cases), and Nebraska (13 cases) who have been watching their internal sales crater ever since. (RIP to the soul in Colorado who got the short-end of it all). 

(Source: Bloomberg) 

The other $35 million? That my friends, is going straight into the marketing machine–because, nothing says we are officially “murderers” like a brand new ad campaign featuring a glossed up (likely fake) Hamburger. Meaning, expect to see commercials featuring glowing Quarter Pounders in slow motion, onions glistening in the sunlight, as if the last thing they did wasn’t send people to the hospital. 

And honestly, now that I think about it… that $35 million in marketing may not be necessary anyway. After all, RFK Jr. just gave the greatest endorsement of his career by chomping on a Big Mac with Trump on Air Force One. 

(Source: X) 

What’s more though, is that McDonald’s isn’t stopping at just throwing money at the problem—they’re also bringing back the Quarter Pounder with slivered onions nationwide. Meaning, the Quarter Pounder is officially making a comeback with a new onion plug, and now all 900 restaurants that temporarily stopped serving the famous burger are back in action. The best part? The FDA has reassured us that there’s no “continued food safety concern.” Translation: the onions are safe now, so feel free to chow down without picturing yourself on the toilet for three-hours. (On the other hand, if you are a Dad with kids, well then that’s a different story - chow down all you want. IYKYK). 

In the end though, McDonalds is clearly committed to executing some pristine damage control. But still, let’s not pretend this didn’t hurt McDonald’s where it matters most: the bottom line. After the outbreak, sales and traffic absolutely plummeted—then add their McFlurry inconsistencies to the problem and yeah, McDonalds instantly became the same level of lackluster dominance as Burger King. 

(Source: Memeroid) 

The good news is that things seem to be picking up for Ronald & the Gang. Again, the company is cooking up “local recovery plans” for the hardest-hit markets. So, if you live in one of the states that got burned by the onions, look out for some sweet deals to feed your pre-diabetes for pennies on the dollar. 

In the meantime, let’s all just relish in the fact that McDonald’s is doing what McDonald’s does best: throwing money at the problem until customers forget it ever happened. When it comes to the market though? That’s another story. Meaning, place your bets accordingly, friends - and as always, stay safe and stay frosty! Until next time…

P.S. Do you hear that sound? If you listen closely, it’s the sound of a stock getting probed with massive short interest, and a sky-high borrow fee that would make your 8% mortgage look like a friggin’ happy meal. Meaning, once this catalyst lights a fire under this little known stock, we could potentially see some fireworks POP… and when I say pop… I mean triple-digit to the moon pop. Curious to know what the ticker is? Click here for the details.

Stocks.News holds positions in McDonalds as mentioned in the article.