Back in high school, I played on a scrappy basketball team that shocked the favorites in a fall tournament. We weren’t supposed to win. But when that buzzer went off, we piled on each other like we’d just won the NBA Finals. Then, in the locker room (once the screaming stopped and the Gatorade dried) I looked at the team and said something that’s burned into my brain: “Don’t get cocky. The championship’s next. I want the damn trophy, not a one-hit wonder.&rdqu...
I was on the phone with a buddy the other day… the one I call when I need to feel better about my own financial decisions. Back in the winter, he tossed over $200K of his savings into altcoins. Not because he’s some crypto whale or tech founder. Just… a very expensive lottery ticket. So I asked how it was going, and without missing a beat, he goes: “Oh, I don’t even check it. I know it’s down at least 70%, I’m not worried. Bitcoin’s doing well, E...
Somewhere in a dimly lit Houston office (probably not far from a barbecue spot that slaps) a group of Exxon lawyers are still staring at their arbitration notes like they just got dumped over text. Because after more than a year of a legal cage-match over one of the biggest oil jackpots in recent memory (the Guyana Stabroek Block) Chevron finally got the go-ahead to seal the deal with Hess. A small $53 billion deal, by the way (no big deal). (Source: CNBC) After a dispute that will go do...
“Tell me you padded the numbers without telling me you padded the numbers…” FedEd is back in the spotlight today as they just “mutually” showed their Chief Digital Information Offer what happens when you “F around and find out”. Translation: Sriram Krishnasamy is “mutually stepping down” after months of internal whispering turned into a full-blown probe into whether the crown jewel of FedEx’s tech rebrand, Dataworks, was more...
As a little kid, I used to hear my grandpa say, “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.” And looking at today’s market, if it weren’t for Nvidia, the whole thing would’ve looked like a flaming dumpster of despair rolling downhill into a Wall Street sewer drain. After months of fever dream “stonks only go up” energy, reality came knocking… with a CPI report in hand. June inflation rose 0.3% and 2.7% year-over-year, s...
If you’d told me in 2018 that tariffs would become one of the hottest and most talked about trend in 2025, I’d have thrown my phone into the nearest fountain. And yet here we are. Donnie Politics continues to make that six lettered word insufferable as he’s once again dropping threats like mixtapes, announcing over the weekend that he’s eyeing 30% tariffs on imports from Mexico and the European Union starting August 1. (Source: Giphy) And let’s just...
Look, say what you will about Trump, but at least the man’s consistent… he threatens tariffs, markets throw a mini tantrum, then collectively remember they kinda love cheap imports and strongman posturing. Monday was no different, except this time everyone basically shrugged and kept stuffing money into AI and bitcoin like nothing happened. (Source: Giphy) In short, the S&P 500 crawled up 0.14% to 6,268.56 and the Nasdaq ticked up 0.27% to 20,640.33. Meanwh...
Before he was making courtroom sketch artists famous and redefining “house arrest,” Sam Bankman-Fried was actually kind of a genius. At least in a degenerate Wall Street Bets sort of way. Back in 2017, SBF spotted something called the Kimchi Premium. While it might sound like a Korean lunch special… it was actually a quirk in global Bitcoin pricing. For instance, you could buy Bitcoin for $10K in the U.S., then flip it in South Korea or Japan for $11K–$15K. So Sam...
At this point, it’s getting hard to tell if OpenAI is pivoting into Amazon, Google, or some kind of ultra-charismatic QVC host powered by demon juice and “I hate Zuckerburg” energy. But alas, we all knew this day was coming. The moment your AI buddy started recommending running shoes “based on your activity levels,” was only a matter of time before it started swindling our wallets in our most vulnerable states. (Source: Giphy) According to repo...
There’s a fine line between confidence and full-blown economic hallucination… and the market just did a keg stand on it. The S&P 500 just kissed 6,297.36 on the lips for a record close (its ninth of the year), while the Nasdaq also rolled a natural 20, closing at an all-time high of 20,884.27. Meanwhile, the Dow lumbered behind with a gain of 229 points. (Source: Giphy) To start it off, earnings season is in full swing and the sugar high is real AF. Case in...
In the midst of swooning over bank earnings and panic-selling Netflix because it only beat earnings by a normal amount, Trump rolled into Pittsburgh and casually unveiled $92 billion in AI and energy infrastructure investments like it was just another Tuesday. The guy basically staged an industrial revolution kickoff and half the market missed it because JPMorgan was still digesting Powell’s “maybe I’ll get fired” face. (Source: Giphy) For starters,...
Netflix did what it always does: it beat, it raised, it smiled politely at Wall Street… and got clocked for not levitating. The stock dropped over 4% Friday morning, because investors apparently wanted a miracle, not math. (Source: Giphy) In short, Netflix beat earnings, raised guidance, flexed a 34% operating margin, and told investors it’s going to casually rack up $8.5 billion in free cash flow this year. In any sane market, that’s called a win....
There’s a fine line between confidence and full-blown economic hallucination… and the market just did a keg stand on it. The S&P 500 just kissed 6,297.36 on the lips for a record close (its ninth of the year), while the Nasdaq also rolled a natural 20, closing at an all-time high of 20,884.27. Meanwhile, the Dow lumbered behind with a gain of 229 points. (Source: Giphy) To start it off, earnings season is in full swing and the sugar high is real AF. Case in...
Mark Zuckerberg has faced his fair share of awkward moments over the years… like being grilled by senators who still think Wi-Fi is a type of sandwich, or launching a Metaverse demo that looked like The Sims if the characters gave up on life. But this week, he was on the brink of doing something that makes even those cringe fests look like a vacation: testifying under oath in a courtroom packed with lawyers and receipts. Instead, just as the court was sharpening its pencils and pre...
If you thought the robotaxi race was already packed (with Elon teasing demos, Waymo quietly logging millions of miles, and Uber testing rides with whoever shows up wearing a name badge) you’re not wrong. But now there’s a new player that could tilt the whole field. This morning, Lucid Motors announced a high-stakes, three-way partnership with Uber and autonomous driving startup Nuro. Their evil plan is to launch a fleet of premium, fully autonomous EVs… starting in a ma...
Pick any DJ Khaled track you want… because TSMC just dropped “another one.” And this one wasn’t close. Net profit surged 61% year-over-year, while revenue climbed nearly 39%, blowing past estimates and extending a now-familiar trend. That’s four straight quarters of crushing expectations… something most chipmakers treat like a once-in-a-decade event. (No offense, Intel. Actually, full offense.) It’s no mystery what’s driving the growth: AI...
At this point, it’s getting hard to tell if OpenAI is pivoting into Amazon, Google, or some kind of ultra-charismatic QVC host powered by demon juice and “I hate Zuckerburg” energy. But alas, we all knew this day was coming. The moment your AI buddy started recommending running shoes “based on your activity levels,” was only a matter of time before it started swindling our wallets in our most vulnerable states. (Source: Giphy) According to repo...
“Another one bites the dust…” - RFK, probably… Donnie Politics, in what may be his most deranged dunking since steamrolling the Iowa ethanol lobby in 2016, claims he’s convinced Coca-Cola to nuke corn syrup and switch back to real cane sugar in the U.S. market. Bold move for a guy whose blood type is Diet Coke. (Source: Giphy) In short, Trump took to Truth Social to issue the announcement: “I have been speaking to Coca-Cola abo...
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