You ever have a rich uncle who shows up to Thanksgiving, drops a fat stack of cash on the table, and tells you to “invest wisely”? Well, that’s basically what just happened between the UAE and the U.S.—except instead of $20s and $50s, we’re talking $1.4 trillion, baby. (Source: Giphy) In short, after an eventful meeting at the White House (presumably with much less, “Have you even said thank you once?” mentions), the United Arab Emi...
If you’ve watched a Fortune 500 CEO on CNBC lately, you’d think they were auditioning for a soap opera with how much they’re crying. “Tariffs are hard,” they moan. “We’re doing everything we can.” But not Costco. No, Costco’s not playing victim. They’re doing what your cheap uncle Gary does when beer goes up a buck… finding a way to not pay it (I can’t be the only one with an uncle like that). Let’s set the...
Nike’s latest earnings call wasn’t just bad—it was “your star player just blew out their ACL in the first quarter” bad. The Swoosh is now bracing for a double-digit percentage sales drop in Q4, thanks to a nasty combo of tariffs, weak consumer confidence, and a turnaround plan that’s moving at the speed of me trying to install my wifes latest IKEA purchase with confusing instructions. Live look of me last night: (Source: Giphy) I...
Accenture just found out the hard way that Elon Musk’s cost-cutting obsession isn’t just limited to Twitter servers and Tesla’s R&D budget—it’s coming for government consulting contracts too. Shares of Accenture tanked 7% after CEO Julie Sweet warned that the Trump administration’s new spending crackdown—led by Musk’s infamous DOGE, is starting to hit revenues. (Source: Giphy) In short, on the company’s latest earnings cal...
Jim Cramer can be a handful (as my dad would say). The man yells more than my toddler son when his chicken nuggets are too hot. Jim’s hyped up everything from meme stocks to SPAC disasters, and sometimes his enthusiasm feels… misdirected. (Remember his love for Silicon Valley Bank right before it imploded? Or the infamous “Bear Stearns is fine” call?) But this time, he might actually be onto something. Cramer is screaming from the rooftops that Bristol Myers...
So apparently, Tony Weid, House Republican from Wisconsin, just casino chipped $175k on Block stock. But, here’s the thing, he made the transaction on 2/28 (about two weeks ago), and is just now making the transaction public. So now that we know, the obvious question here is: What’s he seeing that the market isn’t? (Source: Giphy) In short, this move is definitely sus considering Block hasn’t exactly been a Wall Street darling lately. The stock got a...
One day, Wall Street will get the bright idea to enshrine its greatest minds in a grand Investing Hall of Fame (right across from the infamous bull statue). You’ll walk through its marble entrance, past statues of Warren Buffett, who’s probably holding a cherry Coke in one hand and an old-school stock certificate in the other. Charlie Munger’s bust will come next, forever frozen mid-eye roll after hearing a retail trader say “stonks only go up.” Peter Lynch will hav...
Biotech stocks are like reality TV… every now and then, you stumble upon a gem like Duck Dynasty or the NFL’s Hard Knocks that keeps you entertained. But more often than not, you find yourself wondering how you got sucked into watching Jersey Shore or The Bachelor. So today, let’s talk about CervoMed, a company that just saw its stock explode 161% in a single day after announcing promising results from its dementia drug trials. CervoMed’s neflamapimod (try saying...
Just two days after filing for what could be one of the biggest IPOs of 2025, Klarna, the Swedish buy-now-pay-later company locked down a historic deal with Walmart. Meaning that klarna will now be the exclusive provider of installment loans for the world’s largest retailer, kicking Affirm to the curb like a stained cloth recliner (pretty big deal considering Walmart makes over $600 billion a year). Affirm had been Walmart’s BNPL partner since 2019, a deal they called one of t...
Turns out, DocuSign isn’t dead yet. The pandemic poster child for “Oh sh*t, we need to sign things remotely” just reminded Wall Street that it still has some life left in it, posting an earnings beat that sent shares flying 14% after-hours. (Source: Giphy) In short, CEO Allan Thygesen, who jumped in to clean up the post-2021 disaster, went on CNBC to deliver the usual CEO fist pump: “We’ve really stabilized and I think started to turn the corne...
It’s been a while since we checked in on Nio… the Chinese EV company known for letting drivers “swap” a dead battery for a fully charged one in just five minutes. It’s a clever idea, kind of like a Formula 1 pit stop but for commuters. But behind that slick battery swap magic is a company that probably wishes it could swap earnings reports with, well, literally anyone else (maybe even Bed Bath & Beyond, RIP). Recently, Nio reported its fourth-quarter res...
It’s been a while since we checked in on Nio… the Chinese EV company known for letting drivers “swap” a dead battery for a fully charged one in just five minutes. It’s a clever idea, kind of like a Formula 1 pit stop but for commuters. But behind that slick battery swap magic is a company that probably wishes it could swap earnings reports with, well, literally anyone else (maybe even Bed Bath & Beyond, RIP). Recently, Nio reported its fourth-quarter res...
While most of the chip market’s stuck facefirst in the mud, tripped up by “tariffmagedon” or drowning in excess inventory… Micron is quietly winning. No, really. While your favorite semiconductor stonks are doing their best impersonation of the ‘22 crypto crash (still gives me nightmares), Micron’s just chilling, up 17% this year and they just impressed everyone with a surprise earnings beat on top of everything else they’ve got going for them....
We’ve got a little bit of “March Madness” taking place off the hardwood today. The Russell 2000 just flashed a “death cross”, the scary chart pattern where the 50-day moving average drops below the 200-day. Historically, this has meant short-term pain but long-term gains. Now, technical analysis can sometimes feel like financial astrology (your buddy who swears by it just got a margin call), but this isn’t just some random blip. This is the first...
CoreWeave just hit the IPO launch button, and if you haven’t been paying attention, this AI cloud-hosting unicorn went from crypto mining reject to Nvidia’s golden child in record time. Now, it wants to cash in while AI hype is still hotter than a freshly minted $TRUMP coin. (Source: Giphy) In short, the company—backed by Nvidia, Microsoft, and a rogue’s gallery of hedge funds and banks—is aiming to raise $2.7 billion at a price range of $47 to...
After four years of legal purgatory, Ripple just pulled off a “beat the final boss” move—a.k.a. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. And naturally, investors are losing their d*mn minds. (Source: Giphy) In short, CEO Brad Garlinghouse took the stage at the Digital Assets Summit in New York and casually dropped the bomb that the SEC is walking away from its appeal, officially ending its lawsuit against Ripple. No more legal doom clouds hanging over...
Remember Stargate? Not the 9s sci-fi banger of a show, but the $500 billion AI infrastructure mega-fund backed by SoftBank, OpenAI, and Oracle that Trump flexed a couple months ago. Well, the official Stargate knockoff just dropped. Nvidia, Elon Musk’s xAI, Microsoft, and BlackRock are piling into their own AI Infrastructure Partnership (AIP), raising a measly $100 billion to bankroll AI data centers and energy facilities. Bigly. (Source: Giphy) In short, this w...
Most insider buys that pop up on our Insider Trading Scanner are about as insightful as a billionaire dropping $50,000 on a Rolex… it’s not a sign of anything big, just a power move (like an IG influencer going to vegas, blowing 10k, and then bragging about it for views). When a CEO worth eight figures offloads $100K of stock, it barely registers. That’s just another down payment on a vacation home or tuition for their kid’s “study abroad” semester in Florenc...
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