Well, I can promise you one thing… financially speaking, no one is having a worse week than Michael Saylor, the Winklevoss bros, and that one NFL athlete who proudly took his entire salary in Bitcoin thinking that made him the Daniel Boone of finance bros. (Oh, and I can’t forget Mama Cathie and her Bitcoin to $1 trillion by 2026). Because the truth is, Bitcoin’s having the kind of week that gives you warm, unwanted 2022 flashbacks. The crypto cult leader dipped to $94,...
Quick heads up before we dive in: we’re moving our email list to a new sending platform. If you want to keep getting The Final Tally (and trust me, you do), make sure to sign up again right here so you don’t miss a single issue. Just when I thought I was out, they tech stocks pull me back in… Friday morning opened with the optimism of a funeral procession. By 10 a.m., the Nasdaq was getting pancaked nearly 2%, the S&P 500 was getting dog-walked (-1.4%), and...
Merck & Co. (NYSE: MRK) announced Friday it will acquire Cidara Therapeutics (NASDAQ: CDTX) in a $9.2 billion all-cash transaction, marking its latest move to expand in infectious disease and diversify ahead of the expected patent expiration of its blockbuster cancer therapy, Keytruda, later this decade.Under the agreement, Merck will pay $221.50 per Cidara share, representing a 108.9% premium over Cidara’s last closing price. Shares of Cidara surged to $217.89, while Merck slipped 1.3...
Under Armour and NBA star Stephen Curry have ended their 13-year endorsement deal, bringing one of the company’s longest-running athlete partnerships to a close. Both sides said the decision was mutual. Curry will now take full ownership of the Curry Brand, which will operate on its own, while Under Armour plans to release one final Curry shoe (the Curry 13) in February, followed by a few remaining apparel drops later in the year. The timing adds another challenge for Under Armour, whic...
“Promise you’re not going to be mad…” -Bob Iger starting off the Disney’s earnings call Disney (-8%) is absolutely getting destroyed after getting sucker-punched by… cable TV. Unfortunately Mickey Mouse is thriving everywhere except the place he first became famous: a TV screen that isn’t streaming. Revenue hit $22.5 billion… which is not bad unless you’re an analyst who already penciled in $22.75 billion because you looked...
It appears Yann LeCun couldn’t handle the Wang… While you were busy selling your soul to a 50-year mortgage yesterday, Yann LeCun, chief AI scientist, Turing Award winner, and the guy who basically taught machines how to see cats on YouTube, is dipping out of Meta to start his own company. Ohhh, brother. My thoughts exactly. Translation: Meta AI is basically FUBAR at this point. (Source: Imgflip) In short, LeCun’s been at Meta since 2013, running its F...
Circle stock took a sharp hit Wednesday, sliding nearly 10% even after the stablecoin issuer posted one of its strongest quarters since going public. The company, which manages the USDC stablecoin, easily beat Wall Street’s expectations on both the top and bottom lines. Third-quarter revenue and reserve income came in at $740 million, up 66% from a year ago, topping analyst estimates of $707 million. Adjusted earnings landed at $0.64 per share, more than triple the consensus forecast....
Wake up babe, a new SPAC just dropped… If you were tossing and turning last night because you haven’t had the chance to lose money on a new ticker symbol lately… good news, Wall Street’s got fresh meat. Swedish autonomous trucking startup Einride just rolled out of the tunnel and onto the field… or rather, let its robot semi do it. The company’s going public through a SPAC merger with Legato Merger Corp. III, valuing it at $1.8 billion. (Sour...
Remember when Starbucks’ biggest crisis was whether the holiday cup looked “too secular”? Yeah, HQ would trade all of Brian Niccol’s stock options to go back to that era. Because this morning, instead of slinging lattes at ludicrous speed, the baristas turned Red Cup Day into a full-blown revolution. I’m not joking… they're literally calling it the Red Cup Rebellion. Creativity may not be their strong suit (aside from the blue hair), but the dramatic timi...
Stocks started the week on a heater after two chaotic forces somehow joined hands in bullish harmony: politicians remembered how to govern, and Trump promised free money. Today marked the 40th straight day of darkness in D.C., and just when it felt like Congress had collectively ghosted America, the Senate finally did something productive. Eight Democrats broke ranks to push a funding bill forward… reopening the government through January and reversing some layoffs. Then came th...
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t familiar with your game…” -me after seeing Donnie and Sons earnings report Well as much as I like to poke fun at Truth Social and their Casper the Ghost revenue… American Bitcoin just gave Donnie something BIGLY to endlessly brag about and use as a distraction whenever he’s asked about how we’re gonna lower our country’s healthcare. The Saylor copy-cat, unlike most, actually made a profit... and get this…...
This may be the only time “cooked” actually means bad news for stoners… (Source: Giphy) Congress just slipped a little surprise into the new government funding bill: a nationwide hemp ban, hidden like a blunt in a Bible. In short, the new rule caps THC content at 0.4 milligrams per container, effectively nuking 95% of the $28 billion hemp retail market. Gummies, vapes, seltzers, tinctures… gone. Say goodbye to the “legal high” econom...
Light a candle for Michael Burry’s Scion Asset Management… now pronounced dead by the SEC with no further comment. The fund that always felt like a storm shelter built for one shoeless man, a pair of drumsticks, and a stack of spreadsheets predicting the end of civilization has now been officially stamped “terminated” by regulators… and if you listened closely, you could almost hear every bear on FinTwit whisper, “Go well, my prince.” Of cour...
Stubhub: “The demand for live events is girthy af…” Analysts: “Great, so what about the guidance?” Stubhub: (Source: Giphy) Stubhub finally went public… and immediately decided it was above accountability. Everything was going great on its first earnings call as a newly minted public company: it beat revenue expectations, bragged about “phenomenal” demand, and strutted like the overpriced ticket grifter it is. Then, mi...
“You have got to be f****ing kidding me…” That was me (out loud, to absolutely no one) as the universe delivered yet another perfectly timed kick to the family jewels. If you ever feel unlucky, just remember this: the exact day Trump put his John Hancock (pause) on the paperwork ending the 43-day government shutdown (which he definitely thought would catapult stocks back to all-time highs)... Jerome Powell teleported into the oval office mid-signature and said, &ldqu...
Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE: VZ) will cut roughly 15,000 jobs, or about 15% of its workforce, in its largest-ever round of layoffs, as the company undertakes a broad restructuring under new Chief Executive Officer Dan Schulman, according to people familiar with the matter. The move comes amid intensifying competition in the U.S. wireless market and ongoing pressure on profit margins. Verizon shares rose 1.58% on the news Thursday, bucking a wider market decline. Schulman, who took over...
TKO Group Holdings, the parent company of the UFC and Zuffa Boxing, has signed an exclusive, multiyear deal with Polymarket to bring real-time prediction markets to live fight broadcasts starting in 2026. The feature will roll out when UFC and Zuffa Boxing events begin streaming only on Paramount+ in the U.S. The partnership will allow viewers to see live, changing probabilities of who is likely to win a fight. These probabilities will update instantly as major moments happen, such as a stron...
“Vat are you wearing? You look poor…” - People who wear ON shoes, probably… ON, the Swiss sneaker brand known for its insufferable consumers… just announced it’s too rich to care about your little Black Friday rituals. The company raised guidance again after yet another monster quarter, then casually told CNBC it won’t be running holiday sales because it’s a “premium brand.” Translation: poor people don’t run fast enou...
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