Final Tally: Dream Inflation Print Backfires… Dimon Auditions as J-Pow’s Defense Attorney

Somebody get this market some milk…

It turns out yesterday’s jumpscare was actually a preview to exactly what would come our way today (lucky us, amirite?).

Stocks slid Tuesday even as inflation finally whispered something soothing into Wall Street’s ear. The Dow got smacked for a clean -1%, while the S&P 500 and Nasdaq both shed about -0.5%.

The irony? Inflation came in exactly how traders wanted. Headline CPI clocked in at 2.7% year-over-year, core inflation cooled to 2.6% (the lowest annual core print since early 2021, mind you) and monthly core came in softer than expected. 

On paper, that’s Fed catnip (or another magical white substance, take your pick). In reality, the market responded by selling stocks anyway, because optimism has a shelf life and we’re nearing the expiration date.

Part of the problem was earnings season opening with a thud instead of a drumroll. JPMorgan Chase kicked things off and immediately reminded everyone that “beat expectations” is a fragile concept. 

The bank took a $2.2 billion hit tied to the Apple Card situation, dragging earnings below estimates and knocking the stock down roughly -3.5%. Nothing like America’s biggest bank face-planting on day one to kill the mood.

Now the rest of the banking final bosses are walking onto the stage… and if Bank of America, Citi, or Morgan Stanley whiff, don’t be shocked if 2026 gets its first “blood in the streets” headline before Valentine’s Day.

Zooming out, the macro setup is officially uncomfortable. Inflation is cooling, sure… but it’s cooling like soup left on the counter… not disappearing. Jobs are softening, but not snapping.

On top of that, the Fed is expected to do nothing this month, while traders cling to June like my one buddy clings to that one 10x crypto trade he hit in 2020. Translation: nobody believes Powell wants to cut… they just believe he’ll eventually get bullied into it.

Speaking of America’s biggest fugitive on the run, the Jerome Powell witchhunt entered Day Two and somehow went completely off the rails. Internet chatter exploded after former policymakers and legacy bankers (including Jamie Dimon) parachuted in like defense attorneys on an episode of Suits after a DOJ investigation brushed Powell’s sleeve. 

Powell (who at this point has probably chained himself to his desk) doubled down on calling the whole thing a massive hoax… which, frankly, sounds awfully familiar.

Which brings us to Donnie Politics, who spent Tuesday touring a Ford plant in Michigan, talking up manufacturing, while simultaneously taking another verbal swing at Powell, calling him either “incompetent” or “crooked.” (I don’t know if he knows this but both options are equally offensive).

(Source: Fox News)

Add in a fresh threat of 25% tariffs on countries doing business with Iran, plus lingering trade tension involving China, Venezuela, and Greenland (yes, still Greenland), and suddenly markets have a lot more to chew on than CPI decimals.

Lastly, to end on a positive note, Boeing landed the plane safely this time (I know, it’s shocking). Shares jumped 2% after the most respected, trustworthy, aerospace company on earth published upbeat Q4 delivery data that showed the company is on the up and up (at least for now).

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Market Gossip

>Ford F150 Lightning outsold Tesla Cybertruck and was then canceled for not selling enough (Electrek): It seems baby mama drama aint the only problem Elon’s got going on…

>Mayor Zohran Mamdani and President Trump have been texting at least twice a week – as unlikely bromance blossoms (New York Post): Somewhere, a degenerate trader is about to put $5k on Kalshi that Trump calls Zohran “Pookie.”

>US tariff revenue dropped by almost $3 billion from November to December (Yahoo Finance): Say goodbye to the tariff dividend… and pour one out for the ERS (External Revenue Service), which lasted about four news cycles.

>Strategy diehards keep faith in company that ‘the market doesn’t understand’ (Financial Times): Read in Yoda Voice: “Strong, the cope is with this one.”

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Apple as mentioned in the article.