“Claude, buy more compute. Make no mistakes.” Sooo apparently, the AI safety company just signed up for… checks notes… $895.4B of compute. Anthropic filed an amended S-1 on Monday, and tucked inside were purchase commitments and lease agreements worth $895.4B, “substantially all of which is related to compute and infrastructure.” Ok relax. Dario & Co. are reportedly eyeing a mid-November Nasdaq debut under the ticker ANT. For context, last...
Nobody: Absolutely nobody: SBF at 3 a.m. from his prison cell: "Alexa, how much money has CZ lost now?" In arguably the most ironic scenario since Scar getting eaten by his own hyenas in the Lion King… CZ is getting a firsthand demonstration of the crypto bank run he helped unleash on FTX. How the turntables… After finally reopening withdrawals Sunday following North Korea's $6.3 BILLION crypto heist, Binance customers proceeded to put up Silicon Valley...
Oracle made it two whole days into No Nut November… Welp, David’s daddy (read: Oracle founder Larry Ellison) is at it again. And by “it,” we mean running a little low on cash. Oracle filed Monday to raise a cool $20B in one go with $10B in common stock (about 76.5M new shares) and another $10B in investment-grade bonds split across six tranches. Shares slipped about 2% premarket, because of course they did. Friendly reminder, at last Wednesday’s inve...
Goodnight, sweet liquidity… Private credit is so back… in Europe, anyway. On Monday, Apollo Global Management launched European Credit Company (ECC), a private credit platform with more than €10B (~$11.2B) of lending capacity. Its biggest backer? Apollo’s new sugar daddy strategic partner, the Abu Dhabi Investment Council As for what it’ll actually do, ECC will lend to big and mid-sized European companies (think: corporate loans, asset-backed deals, and cash...
Oracle made it two whole days into No Nut November… Welp, David’s daddy (read: Oracle founder Larry Ellison) is at it again. And by “it,” we mean running a little low on cash. Oracle filed Monday to raise a cool $20B in one go with $10B in common stock (about 76.5M new shares) and another $10B in investment-grade bonds split across six tranches. Shares slipped about 2% premarket, because of course they did. Friendly reminder, at last Wednesday’s inve...
The Great Elong sell… Bad news for Elon stans today. Our ex-VPOTUS (read: Elon Musk) just got b*tch slapped by a federal judge for the second time in two weeks. Late Friday, Judge Debra Brown denied a bid by SpaceXAI, the former xAI that now lives inside SpaceX, to toss the NAACP’s Clean Air Act lawsuit over the gas turbines powering its Colossus data centers in Greater Memphis. So the case moves forward. Allow me to catch you up… (if you’re lost) the suit,...
“PC load letter? What the f*ck does that mean?” - Michael Bolton Wall Street Blood in the streets, you guys. Investors dumped pretty much anything that touches AI on Friday, and the Nasdaq tumbled 3% for its worst day since June. The tech-heavy index is now roughly 9% below its recent high. The S&P 500 slid 1.9%, and the Dow lost 633 points (-1.2%). Starting with Intel, which got nuked 29%, flirting with its worst day since 1974. Perhaps you’ve heard? Q3 revenue ($16....
Suspect: Scam Altman. Costume: Unemployed trillion-dollar panhandler AI visionary. Last seen: Approaching wealthy investors with a $30 BILLION collection bag. Damages: $10 BILLION in missing fundraising ambitions. Authorities advise billionaires to keep their porch lights off until further notice. Welp, it appears Scam Altman has discovered the one thing ChatGPT can't hallucinate into existence. Disney characters. Another $10 BILLION in actual investor commitments. Accor...
Me celebrating for single-handedly funding DoorDash's largest acquisition while my wife was giving birth. Between the hospital bill and the criminal amount of money I spent on DoorDash this week, I'm not entirely sure which delivery cost me more. But at least one of them helped finance a $17 BILLION acquisition. Anyways, on the day I'm now coining "The Great Google Rug Pull," (read: Thursday), DoorDash announced plans to acquire Instacart for $17 billion, bringing...
Taxpayers: “Are ya winning, Mr. President?” Donnie Daytrader: “Nicki Minaj has got that thang on her. SELL ALASKA. SELL THE WHITE HOUSE. I'VE LOST EVERYTHING.” And just like that, the phrase “Intel treatment” has officially taken on a whole new meaning in the Webster's dictionary Twittersphere. It appears Donald Trump's brief career as America's first taxpayer-funded Warren Buffett impersonator has encountered a minor technical d...
r/WallStreetBets has officially acquired a controlling interest in Marvell's decision-making process… If you thought Tim Apple had big balls when he made sure Apple didn't go down the AI-everything path with everyone else… let me introduce you to Marvell CEO Matt Murphy. The man watched every Tom, Dick, and Harry scream from the rooftops to slow down AI spending… and proceeded to shovel another $115 BILLION into the data-center expansion furnace via a laser com...
The Great Elong sell… Bad news for Elon stans today. Our ex-VPOTUS (read: Elon Musk) just got b*tch slapped by a federal judge for the second time in two weeks. Late Friday, Judge Debra Brown denied a bid by SpaceXAI, the former xAI that now lives inside SpaceX, to toss the NAACP’s Clean Air Act lawsuit over the gas turbines powering its Colossus data centers in Greater Memphis. So the case moves forward. Allow me to catch you up… (if you’re lost) the suit,...
Jersey Mike’s stock is down 12% since Danny Devito’s favorite sub rang the bell to IPO in July… and its CEO, Charlie Morrison believes investors are overlooking the sandwich chain's growth potential. The company went public at $21 per share, but investors haven't shown much enthusiasm since. Shares fell as low as $16.09 in early October before recovering to around $18 by the end of the month. But according to Morrison, the selloff doesn't reflect what&#...
Suspect: Scam Altman. Costume: Unemployed trillion-dollar panhandler AI visionary. Last seen: Approaching wealthy investors with a $30 BILLION collection bag. Damages: $10 BILLION in missing fundraising ambitions. Authorities advise billionaires to keep their porch lights off until further notice. Welp, it appears Scam Altman has discovered the one thing ChatGPT can't hallucinate into existence. Disney characters. Another $10 BILLION in actual investor commitments. Accor...
“PC load letter? What the f*ck does that mean?” - Michael Bolton Wall Street Blood in the streets, you guys. Investors dumped pretty much anything that touches AI on Friday, and the Nasdaq tumbled 3% for its worst day since June. The tech-heavy index is now roughly 9% below its recent high. The S&P 500 slid 1.9%, and the Dow lost 633 points (-1.2%). Starting with Intel, which got nuked 29%, flirting with its worst day since 1974. Perhaps you’ve heard? Q3 revenue ($16....
There's an old saying that the house always wins. And judging by Friday's trading session, Cboe Global Markets is making a pretty convincing case for it. While the Nasdaq tanked nearly 3% and the S&P 500 shed 1.8%, Cboe shares rose 3.5% after the exchange operator reported a 36% jump in quarterly profits. Investors are scrambling to bet on where stocks go next, and Cboe is collecting a fee every time they do. The Chicago-based company reported adjusted earnings of $3.63 a share...
Taxpayers: “Are ya winning, Mr. President?” Donnie Daytrader: “Nicki Minaj has got that thang on her. SELL ALASKA. SELL THE WHITE HOUSE. I'VE LOST EVERYTHING.” And just like that, the phrase “Intel treatment” has officially taken on a whole new meaning in the Webster's dictionary Twittersphere. It appears Donald Trump's brief career as America's first taxpayer-funded Warren Buffett impersonator has encountered a minor technical d...
Reddit? The OnlyFans company? Well friends, Reddit just got downvoted… again. The glorified message board beat on earnings, beat on revenue, and then promptly… Ate sh*t. Shares were down more than 20% Friday as of this writing, on pace for their worst day since the 2024 IPO. Earnings came in at $1.40 a share vs. the $1.35 Wall Street wanted, and revenue jumped 53% to $895M (vs. $878M expected). The problem was the piss-poor guidance: Reddit sees $1B to $1.03B in Q4 sales,...
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