"Fools Goldman" Strikes Again (The Scams Keep Piling Up)

Well folks, in light of all the chaotic events we’ve seen the past five friggin days, it seems like Goldman Sachs has the same kind of bullet dodging skills that Trump has. (Well… kind of).

(Source: Giphy) 

As we discussed in one of our previous articles, Goldman has definitely had its fair share of losses when it comes to investments. One of them being the $60 million scam they fell for when it came to Chris Kirschner and Slync.io.

(Source: Freight Waves) 

Not to beat a dead horse here, but for context, while Goldman saw dollar signs with Kirschner’s hyped up logistics startup, they instead ended up seeing literally nothing but the bottom of their whiskey bottles - because by the time Goldman discovered that their $60 million was used to fund Kirschner’s exotic lifestyle instead of advancing Slync.io… it was too late. *Poof* money = gone.

(Source: Giphy) 

Now again, that’s old news we’ve already unraveled, so what could possibly be worth focusing on the investment bank juggernaut now?

Well as it turns out, the infamous CEO of Ozy Media, Carlos Watson, was found guilty yesterday after coaching his peers to impersonate a Youtube Executive in order to swindle Goldman Sachs out of $35 million dollars back in 2021. 

(Source: Bloomberg) 

Yes you read that right. Goldman Sachs was literally one hair follicle away from almost falling for a voice-altering scam. Hilarious. 

You see, as the story goes, instead of busting their tails the old fashion way, Carlos Watson and his co-founder, Samir Rao, decided that dishonesty was their edge. The plan? Fake it till they made it. 

(Source: Giphy) 

So to execute the mischievous strategy, Rao channeled his inner method actor (probably taking notes of Jim Carrey in Man on the Moon) to impersonate Youtube exec Alex Piper. Whereas the goal of this impersonation was to prove to Goldman (on a conference call) that Ozy Media was a thriving media empire worthy of clients like Youtube. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t. 

(Source: CourtHouse News) 

So as one would expect, once the real Alex Piper caught wind of the fools Gold-man call, he was understandably livid. Goldman’s bankers, who were initially spellbound by Rao’s performance, eventually realized they were being duped as they said the call became “very disturbing” and “violating”.

(Source: CourtHouse News) 

What’s more, is that in addition to impersonating the Youtube Exec, Ozy Media included in their sales pitch to Goldman, that Sundar Pichai (Google’s CEO) had intentions of buying the company for $600 million. The kicker with that claim is that while Pichai testified that the $600 million was indeed not on the table, he did clarify that they were in talks of employing Watson at Google for a whopping $25 million dollar employment deal. “What the actual…?” 

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, while it’s absolutely insane that these Ozy Media execs rose to this level of dishonesty, I can’t help but admire their appetite for risk. Just imagine if they took that confidence and applied it for the good of the company… instead of satisfying their greed levels. 

But alas, in light of both of these potential fraud cases, it seems like Goldman is that friend who keeps falling for the same dating scams. (If you’re that friend, it’s ok… we all have our faults). 

(Source: Giphy) 

Although this all took place back in 2021, the trial has officially come to its conclusive head with Watson now facing up to 37 years in prison, though he probably won’t get the full sentence. And Ozy Media, of course, collapsed once their fraudulent schemes were exposed soon after the Goldman call. 

(Source: CNBC) 

Yet, despite these high profile flops, what’s interesting is that Goldman Sachs is still rocking and rolling more than ever as they recently reported a doubling of net revenue earlier this week. Talk about a turn of events. Their net income surged 150% to over $3 billion in the second quarter beating the $2.8 billion analysts were expecting, and up $1.2 billion from the previous year.

(Source: ZeroHedge) 

Their earnings per share also skyrocketed to $8.62, surpassing estimates of $8.34. And the investment banking division? Well, revenue did rise 27% year-over-year to $1.73 billion, but still missed the $1.82 billion mark analysts had set. Probably a few bad bets maybe? Ehh who knows…

(Source: Giphy) 

But even with all Goldman’s investment banking woes, the main takeaway is that this Wall Street giant is no doubt a financial juggernaut that can absorb hits that would sink lesser firms. They are still cashing checks and breaking necks in all the ways they can, but even though they came out unscathed with the Ozy Media fiasco, they might want to tighten their vetting processes. Otherwise they risk becoming Wall Street’s next punchline. 

(Source: Giphy) 

And if we learned anything from Ingris Andress’s rendition of what many are calling the worst national anthem performance of all-time yesterday, it’s this: Word spreads fast, and once you’ve tainted something, it will never be looked at the same way again. 

So all this to say is in the end, it’s just another day, another drama that’s concluding for Goldman Sachs. And for us? It’s another front-row seat to the wildest Suit’s episode on Wall Street. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Stocks.News holds positions in Alphabet (Google) as mentioned in the article.