So Cisco reported third-quarter earnings that beat across the board. Good stuff. Top line, bottom line, and guidance all didn’t just clear the bar, they hurdled right over it with ease. Revenue hit $14.15 billion against the $14.08 billion forecast. Adjusted EPS came in at 96 cents versus the expected 92. A clean sweep. But, but, but… the real story wasn’t the numbers. It was the subtext. Cisco is now deep in the AI infrastructure game, and it’s wagering that the only th...
There aren’t many fast food chains that investors treat like royalty. Most of them are just trying not to get clowned on TikTok for serving $18 Big Macs and forgetting to salt the fries. But every once in a while, a chain rises above the fryer fumes and fountain drink stickiness to become something more… a lifestyle brand. I’m talking about Cava. The Mediterranean fast-casual chain that practically yells, “I wear Lululemon, I do yoga, and I drink $12 juice with ch...
Jerome Powell got up in front of a room full of economists this week and, instead of offering the usual bland reassurance that everything will be fine if we just believe hard enough in the invisible hand, he basically said: “Yeah, we might be screwed. Indefinitely. Good luck.” (Source: Giphy) In short, at the Fed’s Thomas Laubach Research Conference, Powell told the truth out loud, which is rare and mildly horrifying. The U.S. economy, he said, may be entering a...
Welp, Meta’s “Behemoth” AI model is stuck in the kind of delay spiral that makes you wonder if anyone at Menlo Park is actually steering the ship or if they’re just playing a very expensive game of “What If?” Originally slated for an April release to coincide with Meta’s inaugural AI developer conference, Behemoth has now been punted to fall… or, let’s be honest, whenever Zuck feels brave enough to pretend this thing is ready to play. ...
Think about it… has Donald J. Trump ever been the reason global markets, Chinese officials, Elon Musk, and even Nancy Pelosi all smiled on the same day? No. But somehow, today, he managed to pull it off… by basically doing nothing. Okay, technically he didn’t do nothing… but let’s not pretend this was some masterstroke of diplomacy. Trump basically hit “undo” on the chaos he personally spent the last two months stirring up. After escalating a t...
Soooo, eToro just IPO’d at $52 per share… above range… and no one seems to be asking the obvious question: how the hell did this happen? This is a company that’s been trying to go public since the Before Times. First it was a SPAC merger in 2021 that never got SEC approval. Then a 2022 market debut that got eviscerated… then they tried again in March until Trump’s “Liberation Day” tariff announcement nuked the market like it was a hobby. Klarna...
Over the weekend, Teflon Don announced he’s signing an executive order to give Big Pharma a taste of its own medicine. The medicine? Implementing a “most favored nation” drug pricing law. Translation: The U.S. government will stop paying Louis Vuitton prices for ibuprofen while Switzerland gets it at Walmart clearance. America, meet your new plug… Europe. (Source: Giphy) Now if you heard a wet, guttural scream echoing out of a Pfizer boardroom somewhere i...
There he was, Trump, front and center at a lavish Saudi welcome ceremony, eyes heavy as the cameras rolled. Within minutes, Twitter had a field day, christening him “Sleepy Don”... a poetic twist on the nickname he once lobbed at Biden. And just to make it all feel like a deleted scene from The Dictator, the Saudis handed him a gold-plated golf cart. Because of course they did. But while the internet was busy debating whether Trump was asleep, meditating, or just plotting his...
When your stock is down 84% from its all-time high (and that high was nine years ago) you’re not in a “slump.” You’re in purgatory, just praying someone comes along with enough optimism (or delusion) to believe you’re worth saving. That’s been the vibe at Foot Locker for a while now. Once the king of mall-based sneaker culture, they’ve spent the last decade quietly losing relevance while pretending everything was fine. Then, out of nowhere, Dick&r...
Some people manifest vacation homes in Cabo. Others stare in the mirror and recite affirmations before a big interview. And then there’s Brian Armstrong (CEO of Coinbase) who told the world last week that his company plans to become the #1 financial services app in the world within the next 10 years. Ambitious? You bet. Overconfident? Maybe. But here’s the wild part… Just a few days after saying that, Coinbase got added to the S&P 500. The exclusive index where all...
If you thought cable was finally dead… you might want to sit down for this. Because two of the biggest names in the industry just pulled a move straight out of a Hallmark movie: they’re getting back together to prove everyone wrong. And no, it doesn’t involve a burnt-out businesswoman leaving her high-powered city job to fall in love with a bearded guy who owns a Christmas tree farm… though Charter and Cox teaming up in 2025 is about as unexpected. Charter Commun...
Today’s market felt eerily familiar… like asking my wife where she wants to eat and somehow ending up in an argument about something I said in 2019. Total mixed signals. At first, it looked like we had a plan. The S&P 500 was up 0.3%, notching a fourth straight win. The Dow was feeling good, too… up 253 points, confidently suggesting, “Let’s do sushi!” But then the Nasdaq hit us with a hard “I don’t know, you pick…” and fe...
Just days ago, Coinbase climbed the ultimate mountain top. After years of fighting with the SEC, enduring enough crypto winters to make a polar bear shiver, and fielding daily questions about whether crypto was “dead,” Coinbase made it. For the first time, a crypto exchange earned a seat at the big boy table. The stock jumped 24% as investors celebrated what looked like a turning point… not just for Coinbase, but for the entire crypto industry. It felt like validation....
When your stock is down 84% from its all-time high (and that high was nine years ago) you’re not in a “slump.” You’re in purgatory, just praying someone comes along with enough optimism (or delusion) to believe you’re worth saving. That’s been the vibe at Foot Locker for a while now. Once the king of mall-based sneaker culture, they’ve spent the last decade quietly losing relevance while pretending everything was fine. Then, out of nowhere, Dick&r...
Walmart dropped its Q1 numbers and, predictably, everyone pretended it was fine. U.S. comp sales beat at 4.5%, EPS landed at 61 cents versus the 58-cent whisper, and revenue came in at $165.6 billion… a miss that’s being swept under the rug because no one wants to admit this is all duct-taped together with discounted rotisserie chickens and hope. (Source: Giphy) However, the real news wasn’t in the numbers… it was in what Walmart didn’t say. In sho...
Boeing just signed a deal with Qatar Airways for up to 210 planes, and the only thing more ‘Merica than the scale of it is the fact that it happened with Donald Trump standing there like he personally soldered the fuselages. In short, the signing went down in Doha, in front of President Trump, the Emir of Qatar, Boeing’s CEO, and a press corps trying very hard not to ask the obvious: what even is this? (Source: Giphy) Why? Because it’s 160 jet’s on paper&h...
Well, well, well… it’s all starting to make sense now. If you’ve been watching UnitedHealth over the past few months, you might’ve thought the company was just having a bad quarter because of tariffs or something because of Trump. You know, rising medical costs, bad guidance, investors overreacting to a couple headlines… the usual “healthcare is hard” excuses. But now, based on what we’ve got cooking this morning, it’s starting to look a lo...
eToro IPO’d at $69.69… you can’t make this up. Sure, shares opened at a number that might as well have been selected by a 13-year-old Reddit mod… but when I say they started off with a bang, they did. In short, eToro had priced its shares at $52 the night before… which was already above the projected $46 to $50 range (like mentioned in yesterday morning's article). (Source: Giphy) However, opening at $69.69 put eToro up 34% befo...
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