Zuck Makes WhatsApp “Uncool” As He Officially Turns on The Money Printer Faucet…

Somewhere, Mark Zuckerburg just felt a cold shiver run down his spine… and it wasn’t from the AC. It was the ghost of Eduardo Saverin (Facebook Co-founder), finally kicking down the door, screaming, “It’s ad time, b**” 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, after 11 years of pretending WhatsApp was the sacred temple of ad-free messaging, Meta has ripped the mask off to force status ads down users throats. Meaning, businesses can now run promos in WhatsApp’s “Updates” tab, which is basically Instagram Stories for people who think SMS is for peasants. Of course, for those of you who even know what a “Whatsapp” is (most don’t), your messages are still encrypted. Translation: Meta crosses its heart and hopes to die that your drunk texts are safe from the algorithmic meat grinder. 

What’s more, is that the new WhatsApp’s Channels feature (aka “Telegram for normies”) is about to become a pay-to-play hellscape. Brands and creators can now boost their Channels to the top of search results, and soon you’ll be able to pay monthly subscriptions for “exclusive content.” So OnlyFans, but make it Meta? Precisely. 

(Source: CNBC) 

With that said, apparently Meta’s not taking a cut of those subs yet… however, they will be skimming 10% off the top as soon as the lawyers say “go.” Iykyk: Zuck never leaves money on the table. Especially when he’s got $14.8 billion in AI investments to fund and Reality Labs is continuing to burn cash left, right, and twice on Sunday. 

As for the numbers here, the real juice is that WhatsApp has nearly 3 billion users worldwide, including “over 100 million in the U.S.,” according to Zuck. (And I’d like to meet even five of them who aren’t expats or crypto scammers.) WhatsApp’s revenue has been a bean counting error for Meta as analysts peg it between $500M and $1B, mostly from business messaging tools. Which isn’t that bigly considering Meta's total ad revenue is north of $130B.

(Source: Giphy) 

But now, with in-app ads and boosted Channels, Zuck’s hoping WhatsApp will finally stop being the freeloading roommate and start paying rent. The “Updates” tab is the test kitchen: if users don’t riot, expect the ad creep to spread faster than Chlamydia at Coachella. But alas, Meta’s swears it’s only using “very basic information” to target these ads (think: things like your country, city, device, and language). Which, I find very hard to believe, if I say so myself. 

Regardless, though, this thing isn’t “all cleared” on a regulatory standpoint though. Perhaps you’ve heard, but the FTC is still trying to decide if Meta’s acquisitions are antitrust violations or just “bold strategy, Cotton.” If Uncle Sam ever forces a breakup, WhatsApp’s new ad engine could get cooked before it even gets hot. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Meaning, if you thought Whatsapp was every degenerate last safe space from algorithmic hell, tough titty. Zuck is still on his quest for every eyeball imaginable, and this is his latest example to do so. For now, keep your eyes on this story, especially Meta share price as this thing starts milking ad dollars. Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Meta as mentioned in the article.