What Trump’s Auto Tariff and Andy Bernard’s Drunk Call to Angela Have in Common

You remember that scene in The Office where Oscar gets Andy drunk at The Red Bar on a business trip, convinces him to call his fiance (Angela), and ask why she won’t sleep with him? And the next morning, Oscar’s like, “I can’t believe you did that,” and Andy just stares off and goes, “I thought it was a dream.”

That’s basically every automaker on the planet right now after Trump’s latest “economic liberation” stunt yesterday afternoon (which is why the market tanked before the close).

Because no, that wasn’t a nightmare… Trump really did announce a 25% tariff on every foreign-made car and auto part. And yes, that includes the stuff that gets bolted onto cars built in America. Even if the bumper was made in Canada, the screws came from Japan, and the steering wheel was made in Mexico… they’re all getting tariffed.

From the Oval Office, Trump said if you don’t build your cars in the U.S., you’re paying a 25% cover charge at the border… and no, there’s no guest list. There are some exceptions, kinda. If you’re under the USMCA trade agreement (Canada and Mexico), you get a little breather… for now. But once the Commerce Department figures out how to track every bolt and brake pad back to its motherland, the free ride’s over.

General Motors is down 7%. Ford’s already shed 3%. Stellantis dropped 2%. Asian carmakers were also caught in the crossfire… Toyota’s down 2% and Honda’s off 2%. But ironically, Tesla is actually up 2% (sometimes the market makes no sense).

Auto stocks weren’t alone… JPMorgan estimates the entire industry could take an $82 billion hit annually. GM alone could rack up $10.5 billion in tariff bills (and rising), Ford’s looking at $4.5 billion, and Ferrari got hit hard too, with JPM dropping their price target from $525 to $460.

And you know what happens when costs go up for automakers? Ding ding ding… cars get more expensive. Like, up to $12,000 more per vehicle, according to Autoweek. Because at the end of the day guess who eats the tariff pie? Not the car companies. Not the dealership. The end consumer.

Trump called this “Liberation Day.” But rumor has it, the auto industry’s calling it “Get Me the F*** Out of Here” day. While UAW leaders are clapping like they just saw the end of Interstellar, everyone from Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney to the German auto lobby is wondering whether to retaliate or just cry in the shower.

Even Ford CEO Jim Farley is acting helpless. Back in February, he said applying tariffs across North American borders would “blow a hole in the U.S. industry that we’ve never seen.” And here we are. Hole, meet crater.

Don’t get it twisted. This is far more than a hissy fit over where your car was built… it’s a potentially industry-shifting move that could spark a global trade war, jack up vehicle prices, and throw wrenches (literally and figuratively) into production lines that span 120 countries.

So yeah, automakers are pulling an Andy Bernard right now, quietly sipping their morning espresso, whispering, “I thought it was just a dream…” No Andy, it’s not. And the bill comes due April 3.

P.S. Just when you thought our beloved congressmen couldn’t get any greasier, one Republican lawmaker decided to YOLO $175k into a stock… right before a major FDIC announcement hit. Lucky timing? Insider edge? You be the judge. We broke it all down inside our recent Stocks.News premium article… click here to check it out ASAP. 

Stock.News has positions in Ford and Tesla.