Wall Street Dinosaur Charles Schwab Officially Dives Headfirst Into Crypto For Clients—Too Late?

Alright, let's get you back to bed Grandpa... 

Charles Schwab is finally getting into crypto, and somehow it’s both the most overdue move in finance and the least surprising thing to happen this year—right next to Morgan Stanley pretending they’re still relevant to anyone under 60. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Rick Wurster, Schwab’s CEO and human LinkedIn post, crawled onto Yahoo Finance to announce that they're launching spot crypto trading sometime in the next 12 months. That’s right: after a decade of sitting on the sidelines like my wife’s dirtbag uncle at a strip club pretending he’s “just here for the drinks,” Schwab’s finally ready to get their hands dirty. 

Or at least dirty enough for Bitcoin and Ethereum. Anything spicier than that (read: meme coins, tokens named after dogs, Elon “harry bolz” posts), they’re leaving to “others”. Translation: they want the upside of crypto without touching the part of the industry that actually has a pulse. So what’s the plan? Start with Bitcoin and Ethereum on Thinkorswim. Then roll it out to Schwab.com and mobile. Nothing radical. Nothing that says they understand the space beyond the surface—but just enough to not get left behind while the rest of TradFi boardrooms get replaced by Discord servers. 

(Source: Yahoo Finance) 

Wurster made it very clear they’re not going anywhere near meme coin territory. “Those are areas we’ll leave to the side,” he said, with the same tone someone uses when they talk about fentanyl or NFTs. Because God forbid Schwab gets associated with retail traders who treat crypto like an unhinged casino. No, this is for “everyday investors.” You know, the ones who think diversification means owning both Pepsi and Coke.

But here’s the thing, do you really think Schwab is doing this because they believe in the blockchain? Hell no. They're doing it because they can smell the institutional money pouring in now that Trump is back in office and the SEC has been neutered like a rescue dog. Coinbase and Robinhood get their lawsuits dropped. Gensler was kicked out and Paul Atkins, a pro-crypto relic from the Bush era, is in. This is the oil boom for crypto. 

(Source: MSN) 

Which means, this is the part where Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley show up late to the party with a bottle of warm prosecco and act like they’ve been here the whole time. Goldman’s doing whatever the hell “tokenized treasuries” are supposed to mean during a Dubai conference no one asked for. Morgan Stanley says they’ll launch spot crypto trading on E*Trade in 2026. 

But, but, but… the buried headline here isn’t about Schwab or any of these other institutions scrambling like roaches to ensure they don’t get left behind. No. The real headline is this is exactly how crypto will go mainstream. It won’t be through innovation, but through sanitized institutional sponsorships that comes across as boring and safe. The result? It’ll make them a crap ton of money. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Because in America, you don’t have to understand something to monetize it. You just have to wait until someone blinks first, proves it's valid, and wait for regulators to stop caring. And Charles Schwab is doing exactly that. Meaning, from near and far, crypto mouth breathers are having a weekend, and they don’t plan on that party ending anytime soon. For now, do what you will with this information and place your bets accordingly (Spoiler: I’m still not into crypto). Until next time, friends…

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News holds positions in Coca-Cola and Pepsi as mentioned in the article.