UPS Plots Extinction of Warehouse Jobs with Figure AI Rollout of Metal Workers—No PTO, No Problem…

UPS Wants to Replace Carl from Package Sorting With a 5’6” Metal Guy That Doesn’t Complain About Overtime. 

So it appears that UPS is reportedly in talks with Figure AI—a robotics startup trying to build humanoid workers that won’t unionize, sue for carpal tunnel, or take 45-minute vape breaks in the breakroom. That’s right. UPS, the logistics monolith that moves over 20 million packages a day and still can’t get your PS5 to arrive on time, is flirting with the idea of stuffing its warehouses with humanoid robots. Not Roomba-lite conveyor bots, but real life, bipedal, vaguely human-shaped machines that look like Boston Dynamics’ sloppy seconds. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Now the actual scope of what these humanoids would do is still vague, which really just means UPS doesn’t want to air out their dirty laundry yet. But what we do know is that back in February, Figure AI posted a 90-second thirst trap on X showing one of their humanoids standing next to a conveyor belt, picking and sorting packages like your average warehouse temp… minus the existential dread.

What’s more is that Figure AI raised $675 million this year, is chasing a $39.5 billion valuation, and has already inked partnerships with OpenAI and Microsoft to build out the AI guts of these bots. And now we’ve got UPS, with a history of union revolts, quietly setting the table for a future where its workforce doesn’t talk back—and doesn’t file for workers comp. 

(Source: Bloomberg) 

Some are looking at this as a way to solve labor shortages or “enhance operational efficiency”. But I call it replacing people. Full stop. No one’s automating warehouse jobs out of love for innovation. They’re doing it because workers are expensive, and robots don’t strike, don’t demand healthcare, and don’t sue you for unsafe working conditions. UPS already uses robotic arms and AI-powered sorting systems. Now they want the full humanoid experience… probably so they can phase out the last human elements of their facilities with zero headlines and zero accountability.

(Source: PYMTS) 

Which makes sense if you’re all about money, and not putting food on anyone's table. But hey, that’s corporate America for you. And these kinds of decisions are only going to get worse with tariffs and labor costs up. But don’t expect UPS to confirm anything about it… yet. They gave the usual boilerplate about “exploring a wide range of technologies.” Translation: We’re absolutely doing this, but we’re not dumb enough to say it out loud until the robots are already on the floor and the union can’t do sh*t about it. 

Meaning, yes UPS is talking to Figure AI. Yes, humanoid robots are coming for the package sorting jobs. And yes, if you think this ends at UPS, you’re high. Amazon’s already testing bots. Tesla is pretending to build them. Everyone else is just waiting for the stink to go away before they follow suit. Again, not because it’s essentially better, but because over the long term, it’s cheaper. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the end, this is the future. It’s 5’6”, made of aluminum, and it doesn’t give a single f*k about your PTO requests. What a time to be alive, I tell ya. For now, keep your eyes on this story regarding the rollout. Because while UPS is down -21.62% YTD, this may end up being the perfect catalyst for a major “BTFD” opportunity. Of course, don’t quote me on that… but don’t say I didn’t warn you. So yeah, do what you will with this information and place your bets accordingly, friends. Until next time… 

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News holds positions in Amazon, Microsoft, and Tesla as mentioned in the article.