UnitedHealth Waterboards Small Clinics to Repay Disaster Loans After $22 Million Ransom Hack…

UnitedHealth just reminded everyone that “healthcare” in America is a euphemism. A polite little lie we tell ourselves while a $500 billion corporate monolith steps on the necks of small clinics and smiles for the quarterly earnings call. 

(Source: Giphy) 

But before I get into the “why” of this situation, let’s rewind a bit. Last year, Change Healthcare, United’s Frankenstein’d payment-processing appendage, got digitally obliterated by a ransomware gang out of Russia. Apparently, the door was wide open: no multi-factor authentication, no security, no adult supervision. It was almost as if the entire IT Department was on sabbatical. The hackers walked in, locked it down, and demanded $22 million like it was GTA Online with real-world consequences. United paid. Quietly. Because of course they did.

However, the fallout was nothing short of catastrophic. Change was processing 45% of all healthcare transactions in the country–$4 trillion a year. You knock that offline, and suddenly doctors can’t get paid, clinics can’t bill, and patients get stuck in a meat grinder. So United did what any good American corporate would do: they handed out $9 billion in interest-free “loans” to the exact people their incompetence just torched. Not grants. Not relief. Loans. Like Tony Soprano handing out envelopes at a funeral. 

(Source: New York Times) 

And now, a year later, United wants its money back. Doesn’t matter if your systems are still jacked. Doesn’t matter if your billing backlog is a mile long. Doesn’t matter if you’re barely keeping the practice alive. Pay up.

Dr. Megan Dillman, a small-town pediatrician who mortgaged her house to keep her clinic open, is now being told by the same company that nuked her revenue stream that she’s late on payments. Her husband, a former Green Beret, says he’d rather go through Special Forces training four times than deal with this sh*t again. And that’s saying something, because last I checked, SF training doesn’t come with a corporate collections department threatening to garnish your reimbursements.

(Source: TipRanks) 

Odom Health & Wellness, another Minnesota clinic, is in the same boat. Took the loan. Tried to survive. Got hit with threats of repayment and denial of future reimbursements. You know, for services they already provided to patients who were already treated. And yet, United’s logic is this: “We’re flexible… but also, give us all the money back or we’ll sue you into submission.”

Meanwhile, United’s media team is writing press releases like they’re applying for the next Pope position. “We’re working with providers,” they say. “We’re waiving deadlines,” they say. But in court they’re doing the opposite. They are accusing these clinics of staging a “collective shakedown”.”WTF?” 

(Source: Giphy) 

Now, looking back at all of this and seeing how this is suddenly unfolding, do you think this was all about helping the providers in the first place? Hell no. It was about perception and avoiding complete reputational collapse while they rebooted their broken systems. And now that the headlines have cooled off, they’re flipping the script where the loan wasn’t a loaded gun… but a lifeline. 

The legal argument is even more insulting. United told Congress they wouldn’t demand repayment until providers were “back to normal.” But back to normal isn’t direct. It’s vague enough for UnitedHealth to reinterpret at will. One day you’re safe. The next, you’re getting letters demanding full repayment and threats to block future claims. And if you try to fight back? They call it a hostage situation. In the end, this is a classic example of burning down the building, handing out fire extinguishers, then invoicing for water damage.

(Source: Giphy) 

Which actually aligns with the very reason why people hate Big Pharma anyway: The ones who create the problems, create the solutions, amirite? And this is exactly what’s happening. Meaning, keep your eyes on this story for more backlash (as if UnitedHealth investors needed more problems already). It’ll be interesting to see how this Big Pharma giant manipulates itself out of this mess. So with that, place your bets accordingly, friends. Until next time… 

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Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.