Uber’s Hostage Process Backfires Spectacularly, Sparking Wave of FTC Lawsuits…

If you’ve ever tried to cancel an Uber One subscription and felt like you were trapped in a Kafka novel written by a UX designer on acid, congratulations…you weren’t hallucinating. You were just living through a kind of hell that the FTC is now calling “deceptive billing practices.”

(Source: Giphy) 

On Monday, the Trump-Vance FTC finally stopped screwing around and sued Uber for what can only be described as a consumer hostage situation. The feds claim Uber charged customers for its Uber One subscription without consent, buried the cancellation process like it was nuclear codes, and lied about the savings. 

For instance, Uber One costs $9.99 a month. In theory, it offers you things like “free” delivery and discounts on rides. Uber markets it as saving you “$25 a month,” which is sus, because that  math doesn’t include the actual subscription fee. So unless you’re ordering Uber Eats like you’re feeding a small army, you’re probably just paying $120 a year to subsidize better margins for Dara Khosrowshahi. But that’s only the beginning. The meat of the FTC’s lawsuit is about the way Uber signs people up and, more importantly, makes it damn near impossible for them to leave. According to the complaint, some users were forced to click through up to 23 screens and take 32 separate actions just to cancel, presumably causing seizures along the way. 

(Source: CNBC) 

And if you thought that was bad, some users allegedly tried to cancel, and were told to contact customer support… only to find out that Uber didn’t provide a way to actually do that LOL. Others were charged before their free trial even expired, because of course. Now Uber, for its part, is “disappointed”, which really just means they are sorry they got caught and had “no idea this many people would complain”. 

For this reason, Uber’s legal team, which is stacked with ex-FTC commissioners, might I add, is calling the lawsuit “rushed” and “based on misunderstandings.” Which unless you are a complete idiot, you’d know the difference between a missed understanding and operating like a friggin’ gym membership from 1998. It’s hostile marketing, and hostile user retention all wrapped up in a heaping pile of dogs*t for Uber. They knew what they were doing, and now that they played stupid games… They don’t like the stupid prize they are receiving. 

(Source: CNN) 

But alas, when it comes to politics, this is the first major Big Tech hit from the Trump-Vance FTC under Chairman Andrew Ferguson, and he made it crystal clear: Big Tech is in the crosshairs. His exact words? “It’s one of the reasons the president appointed me.” Big d*k energy, much? What’s funny though, is that this is the same Uber that tried to play nice with Trump the first time around. Dara and the company each dropped a nice $1 million into Trump’s inaugural fund, probably hoping to buy a VIP pass out of regulatory hell. Spoiler: it didn’t work.

Now, Uber’s sitting on 30 million Uber One subscribers as of December. That’s a lot of monthly recurring revenue, and a lot of potential pissed-off customers if this lawsuit snowballs into a class action or leads to regulatory crackdowns. Meaning, the FTC’s coming for blood, not just refunds. To be fair though, Uber isn’t the only one with blood on their hands doing this. Auto-renew hell is an entire business model in Silicon Valley, but Uber’s mistake was thinking they could run the same playbook in a post-Trump 2.0 world where regulators actually wake up before noon and read the fine print. 

(Source: Giphy) 

So then, what’s next? Well, if Uber loses, they’re staring down millions in fines, a potential revamp of their subscription program, and possibly even a federal mandate to cancel your membership in less time than it takes to unlock your phone. Wild, right? But if they win… well, every other tech company with a dark pattern playbook to double down and make it even harder to unsubscribe from the next AI-powered, crypto-backed, carbon-neutral wellness app that shows up in your inbox. Until then, maybe look at all your subscriptions to make sure you aren’t getting shafted behind the scenes.

Oh, and if you do decide to cancel, maybe pack a lunch. You might be there for a while. For now, keep your eyes on Uber to see how they come out of this, and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

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Stocks.News holds positions in Uber as mentioned in the article.