Tucker Carlson Takes Shilling Gold to New Heights By Forming New Bullion Company…

RIP Costco… 

Your favorite talk show host/Conservative sh*t talker has a new company and it’s straight gold. Seriously. The company is called Battalion Metals and it’s pitch is familiar: the dollar is dying, institutions are collapsing, buy some shiny metal before society faceplants. Basically the usual boomer starter pack. But this time, instead of being the guy reading the ad copy, Tucker decided to just build the whole operation himself. Vertical integration, MAGA edition.

(Source: Youtube) 

Y tho?

Good question. The origin story is peak post-Fox Tucker. Apparently, the man was offered $20 million a year to shill for another gold outfit and turned it down because they were allegedly ripping off retirees. His solution was to start his own gold business. Aaaaand suddenly, with that one sentence, our man Tucker is the next billionaire. What’s more is that the timing is chefs kiss here. The dollars saddle bagging, inflation isn’t done raw dogging our grocery bills, and global tensions are still simmering. Meaning, the conditions for “buy gold before the world ends” marketing are basically pristine. Costco has literally been selling out of bullion online. And if Nvidia keeps giving up the ghost (thanks Google), America is one bad headline away from burying precious metals in their backyard again.

(Source: Yahoo Finance) 

However, here’s the part that Tucker probably doesn’t want attached to the press releases: the guy’s brand has been wobbling ever since he decided to host Nick Fuentes and then acted surprised when people weren’t thrilled. The right fractures fast, and he managed to hit one of the few tripwires that actually moves the needle. Even Ben Shapiro came out swinging, which is usually reserved for culture-war knife fights or movies he hates.

So now we have Tucker pivoting into gold sales while half his audience is wondering if he’s gone off the deep end or just cashing in before the market cools. And the irony is he’s positioning Battalion Metals as the “ethical alternative” in a sector known for markups that make payday lenders looks holy. For instance, the Washington Post reported some competitors have charged up to 92% above spot price. Tucker claims his whole mission is “don’t scam the elderly.” We’ll find out. As for the product lineup, it’s exactly what you’d expect. We have coins, bullion, IRA-adjacent storage, and whatever “Battalion Bunker” is supposed to mean. The branding hits every checkbox of the apocalyptic prepper aesthetic without saying it out loud. Translation: The only thing missing is a camo-pattern ledger. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the end, Tucker says the postwar order is collapsing. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, gold is having a moment, and Tucker wants in. Whether this turns into a real business or just another conservative-media side hustle, we’ll see. But if you hear a podcaster start a sentence with “Look, folks…” followed by a sudden conversation about bullion pricing, don’t be surprised. Meaning, keep your eyes on this story and a potential SPAC debut courtesy of Don Jr. (I know that sounds like a joke, but honestly… I’m not joking). Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Google as mentioned in the article.