Trump Gives Philippines “Art of the Deal” Treatment, Tech Stalls, & Meme Frenzy Back from Dead…

Sorry, no triple crown today folks…

The S&P 500 tiptoed its way into yet another all-time high today, closing up a majestic 0.06%... and just enough to say “record close” without actually earning it. That makes 11 for the S&P 500 this year, while the Dow actually showed up with a thicc 179 point gain. The Nasdaq, however, has been snorting AI so much this year that tech stocks collectively decided to underperform today just to keep things interesting. 

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The “interesting” part? Blame the majority of the tech comedown on the $500 billion OpenAI/SoftBank mega-project hitting a minor hiccup… as in, “we’re not doing it right now.” According to the Wall Street Journal, their promised AI utopia has been “scaled down,” which is a polite way of saying “we realized half a trillion dollars is not, in fact, pocket change.” As a result Nvidia fell (-2.54%). Broadcom fell harder (-3.3%). And somewhere, in the distance Jim Cramer quietly pushed his next recommendation in the trash can marked “Q4 Pivot”. 

With that said, while tech was busy getting roasted, health care stocks decided to get investors all hot and bothered. For example, IQVIA spiked 18% after doing something radical: beating earnings expectations and guiding up. Amgen and Merck followed suit. Apparently, people are still taking their meds… just not the ones that cure FOMO, which might explain everything else happening on Wall Street. See: Wallstreetbets making “Kohl’s” their entire personality this week. 

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Speaking of Kohl’s, shares surged 37%, not on fundamentals (those are still in the basement), but because someone on Reddit declared it “the new GameStop,” and enough people said “sure.” Also back from the grave and choosing violence was Opendoor… which has managed to rally 500% this month despite a business model built on buying homes in a market where no one wants to sell or buy. It briefly dropped 2% today after realizing it had only gone vertical with nothing but vibes and low-float degeneracy hopium. 

As for earnings, Lockheed missed, GM faceplanted, and Philip Morris is still trying to kill all of us softly. For starters, Lockheed Martin plunged nearly 11% after missing revenue estimates. Turns out not even endless global conflict can keep your quarter alive if your sales team is asleep. Philip Morris dropped 8% after missing as well… after fewer people are deciding to poison themselves expensively via branded nicotine. As for GM, shares fell 7% after the company beat profit estimates. But then, EBIT fell 31%, which investors interpreted as: “Yes, but no."

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Oh, and if you thought today was less exciting because Trump didn’t make headlines… think again. Donnie Politics dropped a bombshell by announcing that the U.S. had “concluded” a trade deal with the Philippines, complete with a 19% tariff on imported goods. Manila has yet to confirm, but this administration doesn’t wait for permission slips. If there’s a podium and a flag nearby, it’s policy, baby. Not to be outdone, Bitcoin, the cockroach of asset classes, continues to thrive, bouncing to $119,300, not far from its all-time high. The recent move has been fueled by regulatory clarity and the dawning realization that digital internet money might outlast the bond market. 

In the end, we had a meme stock comeback that had no direct affiliation with a guy who wears a red bandana and LARPs as a roaring cat. Additionally, if your stock isn’t tethered to Reddit, AI, or Big Pharma, good luck getting noticed. But hey… record close, baby. Clap politely. Until next time, friends… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Merck & Co. as mentioned in the article.