The Final Tally: White House Rumble Cranks Wall Street’s Fear Dial to 100

If you thought Bitcoin dipping to $68K and Microsoft finally putting Skype out of its misery Mr. Wonderful style were today’s biggest stories… wrong. The real circus was at the White House, where Trump, VP JD Vance, and Zelenskyy turned what was supposed to be a diplomatic meeting into something between The Office and a pay-per-view wrestling promo. And somehow, despite the geopolitical mayhem (plus China vowing “all necessary measures” over Trump’s tariff threats), stocks decided to go up.

The S&P 500 climbed 0.6%, the Dow added 250 points, and the Nasdaq edged up 0.5%. Maybe traders saw America showing strength as bullish, or maybe they’ve just accepted that everything is nonsense.

The headliner today was Trump and Vance hammering Zelenskyy for not being grateful enough after the U.S. Venmoed Ukraine $350 billion. Instead of hashing things out behind closed doors like adults, they opted for public shaming. Zelenskyy kinda started it when he warned that America would find itself in a war one day, and Trump hit back with a classic ultimatum: “You either make a deal or we’re out… You’re gambling with World War III.”Then, because no Trump confrontation is complete without social media fireworks, he hopped on Truth Social to declare Zelenskyy “not ready for peace if America is involved.”

As you’d expect, this caused the Cboe Volatility Index (Wall Street’s fear-o-meter) to briefly jump 4.8%... its highest since January 27, when DeepSeek pulled off history’s greatest pump-and-dump, wiping out a trillion dollars in a day.

Green energy stocks got absolutely wrecked too. Enphase Energy shed another 4.8%, sinking to levels last seen when people still cared about Tiger King. First Solar lost 2.8%, marking its lowest since November 2023. Since Trump’s 2024 victory, both stocks have cratered over 35% (if you’re buying solar stocks with this President, you are cooked).

While tech and solar stocks took a hit, Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway quietly reached a new milestone. The company’s stock climbed to an all-time high of $767,000 per share, backed by a 71% profit increase (Warren stays winning).

And if the Zelenskyy White House war of words wasn’t enough, China is now vowing full-scale retaliation against Trump’s latest tariffs, throwing in accusations that he’s blackmailing them with fentanyl trafficking claims. So… you’re move Don?

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.