The Final Tally: Wall Street Interprets Trump’s UK Handshake As Foreplay For China Negotiations…

Welp, Trump opened his mouth, name-dropped the U.K., and suddenly the market remembered it still gets off on trade deals. And get off it did, with the receipts as follows: Dow +0.6%. S&P +0.6%, and Nasdaq up 1.07% (thank Gawd it wasn’t another 0.6%). 

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In short, Donnie Politics went “full and comprehensive” mode and the market collectively licked it up for all it was worth. Why? Because this wasn’t about the U.K. signing a deal. That’s child's play to the Commander and Chief. The real game is China, and if he can get a bigly “W” with the U.K. days prior to duking it out with Xi, he’s got the momentum. As they say, perception is reality, and the perception right now is Trump just put the “Art of the Deal” guillotine on the U.K. two days before he does the same to China. “Merica! 

Meanwhile, Alphabet bounced back 2% after Apple threatened to rip out Google Search’s heart and replace it with an in-house AI of it’s own. Tesla, naturally, was up 3% because no one actually trades that stock off fundamentals anymore. It just moves because it can. Nvidia and Broadcom got the Trump tailwind too, with chip enthusiasts praying that any easing of restrictions might mean fewer regulatory migraines and more money to light on fire chasing AI unicorns.

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Additionally, AppLovin (which still sounds like an adult site to me… not that I would know anyway…), jumped 12% after dumping its mobile gaming unit. They beat earnings, they sold the dead weight, and now they’re spinning themselves as a lean adtech machine. Oh, and they’re also looking to get into bed with TikTok… whaaat? 

On the other hand, ARM got its teeth kicked in—down 6% because their outlook sucked and investors realized that designing chips doesn’t mean you automatically get to be Nvidia. Axon, however, shot up 14% after announcing an AI policing tool. Because if there’s one thing America’s been begging for, it’s more tasers with machine learning baked into them. AI justice, brought to you by the same people who can't make body cams work half the time. But hey, the margins are great.

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On the crypto front (today is worth a little crypto I guess), Bitcoin decided it was done pretending to follow economic logic and blasted past $100K again. Bitcoin is now basically a political mood ring. Trump shuffles the trade deck and suddenly Coinbase, MARA, and Strategy all spike like they just discovered what pump.fun is. 

In the end, whether this rally lasts beyond the weekend is irrelevant. For now, the market got a hit of dopamine and that’s all that matters. Just don’t think about it or look at it too hard. Just enjoy it. Because come Saturday, well… that’s when the circus really starts. Until then, keep your head on the swivel and place your bets accordingly, friends. Until next time… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News does not hold positions in Google, Apple, and Tesla as mentioned in the article.