The Final Tally: UPS Gets Overnighted to the Trash

We’re now two days removed from a Chinese startup pulling off the biggest AI prank ever… convincing the so-called “smartest” tech investors and Wall Street institutions that Nvidia is the next Pets.com (aka worthless). Of course, this resulted in a Tobias from “Arrested Development” fire sale that was eerily similar to the Hawk Tuah coin pump-and-dump (noticed how she disappeared ever since the rugpull?). But after clawing back 6-7% yesterday, Nvidia started Thursday down another 3-4%, only to fight its way back near break-even. (Make sure to tune in tomorrow to see if “we’re back” or if “it’s over.”

But the real loser award of the day goes to UPS. Apparently, years of delivering packages to the wrong houses finally caught up with them. The stock dumped 15% after announcing it’ll be cutting back Amazon deliveries by more than 50% by 2026. Investors weren’t happy about that little detail, and analysts called the news a "surprise” (which is only good if you’re Elon announcing underwhelming earnings apparently).

In Indexland, the market did its best to stay above water. The S&P 500 rose 0.7%, the Dow climbed 0.6%, and the Nasdaq squeaked out a 0.5% gain… though Microsoft did its best to pull the entire tech sector into the red, by sliding 6% on weak cloud revenue. Speaking of stocks immune to logic, Tesla somehow kept rallying (up 2%), even after missing earnings. Tesla fanboys, as always, are buying into Elon’s “just wait until next year” promises (we’re always just five years away from robotaxis, aren’t we?).

Meta impressed with a strong report (so be prepared to see more Zuck boobs memes on social media) and Apple is due to report after the market closes.

Over in the dying cable sector, Comcast got clobbered, dropping 10% after losing more broadband customers than expected. Peacock, their streaming service, didn’t add a single new subscriber, but hey… at least they have The Office.

And finally, Bitcoin cracked $106K after Jerome Powell basically told banks, “You can work with crypto, just don’t mess it up” (which, given banking’s history, seems like a solid plan).

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

TWO Insiders Just Dropped $5 Million On THIS Pharma Stock…

Our "Insider Trade Tracker" just flagged two power moves that you should know about. Peter Anevski, CEO of Progyny, and Executive Chairman David Schlanger both made their first-ever open-market buys of the company’s stock. Anevski dropped $3.03 MILLION to grab 209,500 shares at $14.48 each, while Schlanger followed up with a $2.2 MILLION bet for 150,000 shares at $14.68 a pop.

Progyny’s stock has been flirting with recent lows, but with a booming market for fertility benefits and major clients like Google and Microsoft on their roster, these guys are clearly betting on brighter days. Call it a growth story in the making—or at least that’s what their wallets are saying.

Moves like this are exactly why our tracker exists: to show you where the smart money is going before everyone else catches on.

Oh, and FYI, we recently ranked #23 for free News Apps, ahead of Bloomberg and The Washington Post. 🎉 Curious to see what other power plays we’re tracking? Become a Stocks.News premium member today… or just keep enjoying our free content. No pressure. 😉

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