The Final Tally: Trump’s “Art of the Delay” Unleashes a Bull Stampede… Tom Cruise Meme Stock?

Stocks absolutely ripped today after Donald Trump did something that genuinely shocked the system: he paused, took a breath, and (you might want to sit down for this) thought something through.

Just last week, Trump proposed a HUGE 50% import tariff on all goods from the European Union, set to take effect June 1. That sent bonds into a tailspin and had the market prepping for yet another “oh no, he didn’t” selloff. A full-blown trade war with the European Union (America’s #2 trading partner) isn’t exactly the kind of thing that gets Wall Street excited going into summer earnings season. Unless you're shorting everything like Michael Burry.

But then on Sunday (somewhere between his spray tan session, a few Truth Social rants,and possibly threatening to deport a CNN intern) Trump announced he was delaying the tariff hike to July 9, after Ursula von der Leyen, President of the European Commission, got on the phone and said, “Don, please chill.” In a shocking display of restraint, Trump gave her 39 days to work something out.

That delay was all Wall Street needed to send the bulls stampeding out of the gate. The Dow Jones Industrial Average skyrocketed more than 700 points (+1.8%). The S&P 500 jumped 2%, and the Nasdaq Composite rallied 2.4%, with Big Tech back on its favorite drug: hope.

Tesla jumped 6% after Elon Musk announced he’s “back to 24/7 mode,” sleeping in the server room and pretending he isn’t being sued in five directions. Investors across Wall Street and parent’s basements around the country, desperate for leadership, apparently took comfort in the world’s richest man admitting he’s not going outside. Nvidia and Apple also posted 2% gains each.

Another jolt of sunshine and rainbows came from an unexpected place: American consumers somehow found the will to be optimistic again. May’s consumer confidence reading jumped to 102.0, ending a five-month streak of “yikes” and suggesting that people might still be willing to swipe their cards, even if it's just for Coachella tickets and gas station snacks. 

At the same time, Treasury yields slipped, giving the market a reason to exhale. Word on the street is Japan might hit pause on its government bond liquidation, which had been rattling global debt markets like Kevin shaking the vending machine in that one Office episode. Less chaos overseas = fewer heart palpitations in lower Manhattan.

But even all of that wasn’t the most Trump thing Trump did this week. Just yesterday, he called reports about Trump Media planning to buy a mountain of bitcoin “fake news.” So naturally, today, his company announced… they’re raising $2.5 billion to buy bitcoin. The guy denied it like it was an affair, then showed up to the press conference with flowers and a $1.5 billion ring.

Trump Media, which owns Truth Social, now wants to become one of the largest public bitcoin holders on earth (they’re not even trying to hide they’re copying Michael Saylor). Shares of DJT promptly tanked 7%, which might be the most honest reaction the market’s had to anything this year.

Over in popcorn land, AMC exploded 22% after a record $326 million Memorial Day box office. We may hate interest rates and inflation, but we’ll still line up to watch “Mission: Impossible 47” and Disney’s latest attempt to repackage childhood nostalgia into something that looks like it was rendered in a video game cutscene.

Also coming up: Nvidia’s earnings are set to drop tomorrow, and everyone’s hoping Jensen Huang announces a GPU that balances the federal budget. Other names on deck this week include Okta, Macy’s, and Costco… but unless one of them unveils a chatbot that trades options (successfully, that is), you’re not gonna care.

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.