The Final Tally: Oracle Saves the Day, Boeing Eats Sh*t, and Wall Street Does Cartwheels…

We are officially back on the green’s baby. Not to be dramatic, but Oracle’s results single-handedly rescued this market from any kind of despair today with the S&P 500 popping 0.38%, the Dow adding 101 points, and the Nasdaq boasting a 0.12% gain. 

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In short, Oracle CEO, Safra Catz, basically screamed “cloud + AI = stonks” during Oracles earnings today and knocked retail investors out of their coma. The company Ellison built crushed Q4 expectations on both revenue and EPS, but the real wet dream was Catz’s prophecy of cloud infrastructure revenue climbing over 70% for fiscal 2026. Which only looked even bigger compared to their 52% jump this quarter. Cue the stampede. 

Naturally, this single announcement had other tech stocks levitating (kind of). Nvidia and Broadcom boasted a 1% uptick, while Microsoft followed suit. However, not everyone got the second-hand high as Google and Meta sagged -1% and -0.11%, respectively. As for Tesla, it’s running out of memes and miracles, with shares dropping -2%. Presumably, because Elon decided to kick the robotaxi can down the road until June 22nd. If it sounds like you’ve heard this story before… it’s because you have. Alot, actually. 

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Meanwhile, Boeing returned to its own vomit today after an Air India 787 crashed after takeoff with 242 passengers. This had shares falling -5% on the day. RIP to the 204 souls lost on board and prayers go out to their families. As for Spirit Aerosystems and GE Aerospace (GE), both stocks plunged -2.5% and -2.25% in sympathy towards the disaster. 

In pharma land, NovoNordisk pumped 2% thanks to plans for human trials on its next-gen obesity drug. Meaning, now with both pills and injections… I have no excuse to be fat anymore. But, but, but… fat stacks did Chime Financial print today during its IPO debut. Shares soared to $43 after being priced at $27. In addition, they locked in a suspiciously fat $864 million raise, which is almost enough for two years’ worth of Super Bowl commercials and failed B2B pivots. Good stuff. 

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Oh, and Curvac, the German biotech, moonwalked 38% after BioNTech agreed to snap up the company in an all-stock deal worth $1.25 billion. Meanwhile, the OnlyFans for T-Bills (aka the 10-year Treasury note) is getting spicy. Yield dropped to 4.36%, down from 4.41% at Wednesday’s close and 4.51% the previous morning. 

In the end, today wasn’t magic, it was just Oracle hitting CTRL+ALT+DEL on any negative price action aftershocks Boeing gave us today. And yet it was once again another masterclass on how one solid earnings can uplift the entire market. Of course, we’ll see how Friday’s price action reacts… but until then, enjoy some green and go touch some grass. Until next time, friends… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today. 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Google, Meta, Microsoft, Tesla, and General Electric as mentioned in the article.