The Final Tally: Markets Eat Dirt As Trump v. Musk Turns Wall Street Into Reality TV Hell…

This is why we can’t have nice things…

The market got caught in a celebrity death match featuring Elon Musk and Trump this Thursday as the S&P 500 dove -0.53%, the Nasdaq vomited -0.83%, and the Dow dropped -0.25%. Why? Blame Tesla (down -14%), which dropped a full Elon-sized turd on the tape and lost its trillion-dollar market cap status in the process. 

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In short, the episode is as follows: Trump called Musk “CRAZY” and moaned about being “very disappointed” in the man who can’t decide if he wants to sell you a flamethrower, space ride, or a robotaxi. Musk clapped back on X, claiming Trump would’ve lost the election “without me.” This is where we’re at, boys and girls. We’ve reached the stage where trillion-dollar market caps get vaporized over playground insults between two grown men who have more followers than the population of actual countries. Bigly. 

Meanwhile, volatility also spiked after news that Trump and China’s Xi Jinping had a phone call. Details? No one has a clue… Trump says it was “very good,” which is what he says about everything from trade wars to his McDonald’s order. Trade teams are “meeting again soon,” i.e., expect several more months of nothing and maybe a few new tariffs just for sh*ts and giggles. ‘Merica! 

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Of course, investors who thought the trade drama was over after May’s tariff truce (S&P up 6% for the month) are getting a harsh lesson in Wall Street’s short attention span. Tensions with China are still here, and so are the hives. And yet, just when you thought the economic news cycle couldn’t get more annoying: weekly jobless claims came in hot at 247,000… which is 8,000 above last week and blowing right past the 236,000 Dow Jones estimate. To be fair, the labor market isn’t rolling over (just look at the JOLTS report on job openings), but it’s definitely limping into Friday looking for a Gatorade and four ibuprofen. 

Elsewhere in the financial circus, Trump Media tanked -8.04%, because of obvious reasons: Trump and Musk’s Jerry Springer charade. Brown-Forman, got absolutely rekt (down - 17.4%) after missing earnings so badly it earned a new medal: worst day performance on record. 

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For the little bit of good news on the street (especially for crypto mouth breathers), Circle opened at $69.50 after pricing its IPO at $31, then shot up 200% and made every early investor feel like a crypto god for exactly three hours. Oh, and MP Materials soared nearly 6% after Trump juiced rare earth rules… which is a rare win for U.S. mining that didn’t involve a Netflix documentary. 

In the end, if you wanted a calm summer, you picked the wrong market. Between Musk-ian meltdowns, China roulette, and IPO delirium, you might as well trade with one hand and keep the other on a Brown-Forman bottle (too soon?). All jokes aside, keep your eyes open for tomorrow's price action and place your bets accordingly, friends. Until next time… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Stocks.News holds positions in Tesla, and McDonalds as mentioned in the article.