Tesla’s Board Just Gave Us the Most Hilarious Buy/Sell Signal of All Time (It’s Actually Scary)

If you’re looking at Tesla’s stock right now and thinking, “Wow, what a comeback! Elon’s got this train on the right track!”... then I have a bridge in central Iowa to sell you.

We’re over a week away from Tesla dropping its Q1 numbers and they were… let’s say, generous to the bears. Auto sales were down 20%. The company posted its worst operating profit margin since 2019 (2.1%), and the long-promised $25K affordable Tesla? Still MIA. Instead, Elon’s been busy rolling out a robot apocalypse starter pack featuring CyberCabs and humanoid bots nobody asked for. So naturally, the stock jumped 20%.

Why? Well, because Elon winked at investors and said he’d be spending “more time at Tesla headquarters in Austin.” Yep. That’s all it took. One vague promise of “being more involved” and boom… instant stock pump. It was like watching a magician distract the crowd with a shiny coin while bears maul the accountant backstage.

And now it’s starting to look like reality’s sobering up. Tesla stock is down 5% today. And as the hangover kicks in, we’ve got a fresh batch of insider drama to deal with… because of course we do.

Let’s start with Joe Gebbia, co-founder of Airbnb and Tesla board member since 2022. Joe finally bought shares. The crowd goes mild. He shelled out $1 million for 4,000 Tesla shares last week… the first insider buy in over five years. On paper, that sounds bullish… until you realize the guy is worth $7 billion. That’s like me buying one REIT share and calling myself a “real estate investor.”

Even funnier to me is that before this, Gebbia only owned 111 shares. Not options. Not RSUs. Actual shares. That’s less equity than your coworker who panic-bought Tesla in 2021 and still refuses to sell at a 40% loss. But wait, it gets better.

Just 24 hours later, Tesla’s board chair Robyn Denholm dumped another $32 million worth of stock. That brings her grand total to nearly $150 million in stock sold since December. While Gebbia’s out here buying one share of a REIT for clout, Denholm’s liquidating like she’s preparing for an SEC investigation and buying a private island.

This is far worse than a bad look. It’s straight-up sitcom writing. A week after their worst financial performance in years, one director tosses in chump change for show while another liquidates like she’s buying beachfront property in New Zealand.

Of course, Elon’s still out here doing narrative gymnastics, trying to flip “worst margins in years” into “don’t worry, Daddy’s home.” But even some of the most diehard Tesla stans are starting to look uncomfortable. And if the cult is having second thoughts? You might want to, too.

In my opinion, buying Tesla here feels risky… borderline delusional. But hey, if you want to buy into the hype at these levels, go for it. Just don’t pretend the numbers are telling the same story.

PS: The headlines are full of panic… inflation’s too high, the Fed’s asleep at the wheel, and Trump never fails to kill any market momentum with more tariffs. On the surface, it looks like the market’s barely breathing.

But underneath all that noise?

We’re seeing some of the fastest stock moves in years… especially in the small-cap space, where low float and high tension can trigger a 100% pop before lunch. Some are up 200% in under 24 hours… and nobody on CNBC is talking about them.

Except us.

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Stock.News has positions in Tesla.