Happy “Congrats to everyone who panic-sold on Thursday” Day to all who celebrate… 

After spending most of the week acting like tech was a federally banned substance, the market woke up Friday and decided it was, in fact, still addicted. The Dow ripped 1,200 points and closed above 50,000 big ones for the first time ever. The S&P jumped nearly 2%, the Nasdaq tacked on another 2%, and suddenly the same screens that were screaming “AI IS OVER” forty-eight hours ago were back to smiling.

Welcome to the sh*t show friends. The bounce was led by the usual suspects that everyone swore they were done with earlier in the week. Nvidia popped 8%. Broadcom jumped 7%. Oracle and Palantir clawed back about 5% each. Nothing exotic here… just investors realizing that dumping everything with a data center in the zip code might’ve been a bit dramatic.

However, not everyone was met with forgiveness. Software, for the most part, stayed pinned to the mat, especially the ones caught in the “AI eats your margins” storyline. Turns out markets can walk and chew gum: bounce the obvious winners, keep side-eyeing the business models that actually look threatened. Meanwhile, while tech was busy rehabbing its reputation, the Dow did Dow things. Old-school, sleep-at-night names quietly printed all-time highs. Coke (+0.66%). Exxon (+2.02%). J&J (+0.93%). Hilton (+1.8%). They all mooned. 

(Source: Giphy) 

And then there was Amazon… doing Amazon things. Shares slid 6% after the company reminded everyone it plans to spend roughly $200 billion on capex. Again. Investors, scarred from earlier in the week, collectively decided to empty the clip on shares. Woof. That said, one would assume that today's pistol-whip on short sellers changed the course of the weeks end. Ehhh not really. Even after Friday’s rip, the S&P was still basically flat on the week and the Nasdaq was still licking its wounds. Although, it does set a new tone for the market open come Monday. 

Elsewhere under the hood, power-and-pipes names tied to AI infrastructure kept doing their thing. Monolithic Power Systems jumped 6% after reminding everyone that AI still needs electricity to not shut off. Revenues up, dividend raised, guidance clean. Boring. Profitable. Effective. On the other end of the spectrum, earnings roulette stayed violent. Roblox (+9.59%) ripped. Doximity got nuked (-16.78%). Molina face-planted (-25.53%). Coty (-16%) got guillotined. And Stellantis fell 24% after announcing a “reset”. Translation: We’ll get GTA 6 before we get a Stellantis reset. 

Stellantis investors POV right now: 

(Source: Youtube)

In the end, if you don’t know the story by now, it’s obvious: One week it’s “AI is a bubble,” the next it’s “actually, buy Nvidia again.” Place your bets accordingly. Oh, and pour one out for all the ones who sold the lows because Twitter told them to. Until next time, friends… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

 

☕ Market Gossip

> Goldman Sachs is tapping Anthropic’s AI model to automate accounting, compliance roles (CNBC): Pour one out for the bean counters… 

> How to Spend (and Invest) Your Bonus: “Wait, people get bonus’?” - my team reading this, probably (jk)

> Elon Musk is getting serious about orbital data centers (TechCrunch): Impressive, now do trash… 

> Google and Microsoft Pay Creators $500K+ to Promote AI Tools (Tech Buzz): Literally me right now… 

“WTF” Meme of the Day

I ain’t reading all that, good luck though… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Amazon, Exxon Mobil, Johnson and Johnson, and Coke as mentioned in the article.