T-Minus One-Day Until Tesla’s Robotaxi Launch Decimates Bears Or Obliterates Bulls…

After years of Elon being Elon and a decade of “just wait till next year,” we’re finally getting a handful of Model Ys, in a glorified golf cart loop, with a full-grown adult in the front seat making sure the car doesn’t eat a curb, a cyclist, or someone’s dog.

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Tesla’s so-called “driverless future’ starts tomorrow. For those of you in Austin for the rave, you’ll get an app and you get to pay to ride in a Tesla with a “safety monitor” who’s probably just as scared to be in the car as you are. With that said, this isn’t “robotaxi” so much as “robotaxi, but mom says you can’t go past the end of the block.” Meaning, airport runs, intersections, or anything else interesting are off limits… So if you want to live dangerously, you’ll have to settle for a mid-morning loop around East Austin and pray the weather doesn’t look at the car funny.

But alas, all jokes aside, Tesla really needs a win here. You know it, I know it, and investors with even a pinky of skin in the game know it. Especially considering Waymo and Zoox (owned by Alphabet and Amazon) are out here cashin’ checks and snappin’ necks with no hall monitors, in more cities, with more miles. Translation: This is Tesla’s make it or break it moment. 

(Source: Quartz) 

And yet, even with the tension in the air, Wall Street is snorting the copium. For instance, Tesla shares are up 76% over the last twelve months which is what happens when analysts decide the future is worth more than the last few months of absolute f*ckery with Elon’s mouth and his former government side-gig. However, Dan Ives is already yodeling about a “$1 trillion autonomous era,” while the stock is still deep in the red (read: -15.06%) for the year.

But again, we’ve heard this story before. Tesla was supposed to kick things off earlier this month, only to delay it to June 22nd (a.k.a. tomorrow). The reason for the initial delay was something along the lines of “we take safety seriously”... which is great, but even still regulators are circling, and Texas lawmakers politely asked Musk to delay until actual rules exist. “Politely asked” is Texan for “absolutely do not do this.” As for Musk, it’s “I do what I want when I want”. Meaning, he’s planning on rolling this out tomorrow even while there’s currently a... *checks notes*...  federal investigation into Tesla’s full self-driving technology. Sounds legit. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, that may be going the way of the Dinosaurs considering how long it’s dragging out, but if Musk actually gets through the weekend without a local news segment, maybe this becomes the “pivot to AI” he’s been promising since before he made Grimes relevant. That’s the hope anyway… especially considering if Tesla shows even an ounce of progress that overshadows any negative sentiment… expect some massive mooning on Monday. 

As for next steps: Get prepared, get ready, and keep your head on the swivel for tomorrow's news. It’s going to be big either way, and you can bet your tail Tesla shares will reflect it in a bigly way come Monday’s opening bell. So yeah, place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Tesla, Alphabet, and Amazon as mentioned in the article.