South Park Nukes Paramount (and Trump) 10 Hours After Inking $1.5 Billion Deal…

E tu Brute? 

Paramount just dropped $1.5 billion to lock down 50 new “South Park” episodes over the next five years… and within 10 hours, Matt Stone and Trey Parker celebrated by dragging their new sugar daddy into the street and lighting them on fire. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the Season 27 premiere, tastefully titled “Sermon on the 'Mount”, the duo reminded everyone why giving creatives unlimited money and zero leash is always a galaxy-brain move. The episode skewers Paramount, CBS, the Trump administration, and probably a few legal teams currently Googling “unforceful breach of contract.” The plot, you ask? Trump sues the town of South Park for $5 billion because they don’t want Jesus Christ teaching 5th grade… which, honestly, isn’t even in the top 10 craziest things that have happened in this show LOL (See: Woodland Critter Christmas for context). But in the episode, as the town prepares for war, Jesus (voiced by Stone, naturally) hits them with this gem on settling: 

“You guys saw what happened to CBS? Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? Paramount,” Jesus says. “Do you really want to end up like Colbert?”

(Source: CNBC) 

The reference, obviously, is not subtle. Perhaps you’ve heard, but  Paramount just axed The Late Show with Stephen Colbert a few days after settling a $16 million lawsuit with Trump over an allegedly “deceptively edited” 60 Minutes interview. Totally unrelated, of course. Just a classic “coincidence”... like Nancy Pelosi's diversification trading strategy precisely before her holdings moon. 

Additionally, Paramount is currently begging regulators to bless an $8 billion merger with Skydance Media, a company helmed by the son of Oracle founder (and Trump megadonor) Larry Ellison. So yeah, cozying up to Trump suddenly looks a lot less ideological and a lot more transactional. And “South Park,” ever the faithful chronicler of late-stage capitalism’s dumbest plot twists, ripped the mask off. In fact, at one point, fictional 60 Minutes hosts nervously praise Trump as a “great man” while reporting on the chaos … “We know he’s probably watching,” one mutters. The episode ends with a profane, possibly AI-generated vision of Trump wandering shirtless through a desert, like some kind of bloated biblical hallucination.

(Source: Giphy) 

Oh, and because the writers couldn’t help themselves, they reused the same Saddam-style animation model from Bigger, Longer & Uncut to depict Trump as a deranged toddler with bad hair and worse anatomy. Again…  subtle. Now, if you’ve been around the block of degeneracy in your youth… you’d know this isn’t new territory for South Park. However, the timing here is weapon-grade petty. Most studios try to ease into the betrayal… a soft jab in episode three, a veiled reference by midseason. Stone and Parker opted for the bare-knuckle brawl before the contract ink dried.

Which begs the question: what exactly did Paramount think they were buying for $1.5 billion? A compliant, brand-safe IP to spruce up their streaming portfolio? Or two middle-aged libertarians with zero filter and a decades-long blood feud with corporate hypocrisy? If you guess option two, congrats… you know what's up. However, so far, Paramount has declined to comment. Mainly because they are busy Googling “What to do when your billion-dollar franchise calls you a sellout on premiere night.” Translation: We are now in the golden age of content where the network writes the check, and the creators write their eulogy. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the end, if anything else, this is pure unadulterated entertainment at its finest. And yet, investors don’t seem to be too concerned over the $1.5 billion purchase as shares are only down -0.07% on the day. Meaning, we’ll just have to wait for a few more episodes of potential backlash to see the real impact (and I, for one, wouldn’t put it past the South Park guys). Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.