Senate Drags Trump’s Big Bill Over the Line, Vance Tips the Scales, Democrats Weep…

“I like big bills, and I can not lie…” 

Last night, in a marathon that left half the chamber looking like extras in The Walking Dead, the Senate passed Trump’s giant tax-and-spending-cuts bill by the slimmest margin possible: 50-50, with Vice President JD Vance breaking the tie and single-handedly cycling Democrats through all five stages of grief in public on C-SPAN. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Three Republicans… Tillis, Collins, and Rand “I Hate Everything” Paul… defected to join the Democrats, who spent the last 24 hours rage-scrolling Twitter and slow-reading all 887 pages of the bill out loud like that would make anyone care. Spoiler: it didn’t. Why? Because the bill packs $4.5 trillion in tax cuts, permanently locks in Trump’s 2017 rates, and throws in some crowd-pleasers like “no taxes on tips,” which means your bartender and your weed dealer might both finally report their income. There’s also $1.2 trillion in spending cuts, mostly hacking Medicaid and food stamps… so if you’re able-bodied and not working, congrats, Congress just put you on the clock.

(Source: AP) 

There’s also $350B for border and national security, which will probably fund at least three new government acronyms, a handful of “state-of-the-art” surveillance blimps, and a 72-hour ICE TikTok training course. Also: green energy tax breaks got the axe, so wind and solar mouth breathers are salty AF right now. 

As for Trump, he told reporters after the approval, “I don’t want to go too crazy with cuts. I don’t like cuts.” Keep in mind this is after green-lighting the sharpest Medicaid and SNAP trims since the invention of kale chips. Which of course, didn’t keep Elon Musk from jumping into the scrum of his X Iron Throne, telling senators to “hang their head in shame” and threatening to campaign against anyone who voted for the bill. Musk’s feelings on government handouts are, as always, highly sensitive… especially for a guy who’s personally received more subsidies than Nebraska corn.

(Source: X) 

Regarding the proceedings… well, If you ever wanted to see 100 people age a decade in 24 hours, tune into a Senate vote-a-rama. John Thune looked like he’d rather be waterboarded with Monster Energy than corral another senator. Collins tried to get $50B for rural hospitals slapped onto the bill, got denied, and still voted no. Murkowski got Alaska a pass on some food stamp cuts and immediately started questioning her life choices. 

But alas, now the bill goes to the House, where Speaker Mike Johnson will try to wrangle his own chaos caucus. But, but, but… didn’t the House already approve the bill? Yes, but given the amount of blood redlines, the House needs to have another look. Especially considering the Medicaid changes alone are a hand grenade in the GOP cloakroom. Meaning, if you thought the Senate was a hot mess, wait till the House gets done auditioning for the next season of RuPaul’s Fiscal Responsibility Drag Race. The CBO says 11.8 million more uninsured by 2034, deficit up by $3.3 trillion over ten years. But honestly, at this point, CBO projections are basically fan fiction for lobbyists.

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This, naturally, has Wall Street watching this like a hawk. Bond traders are pricing in more government debt, health insurers are dusting off their “Medicaid cut” playbooks, and green energy lobbyists are drafting LinkedIn posts about “resilience.” The only sector that’s actually happy right now? Accountants, because the new tax code is going to be a full-employment act for anyone with a calculator and no moral compass.

In the end, Republicans get the tax cuts and spending trims they’ve been promising since… forever, Democrats get to grandstand about “the children,” and the rest of us get to watch the world’s most expensive group project unfold in real time. As of right now, the markets aren’t leaning heavily in either way considering the uncertainty of the House… but considering the Nasdaq is on a heater (up 0.71%), some people are happy. Meaning, keep your eyes on next steps for the “The Big Beautiful Bill” or if you’re Chuck Schumer, (a.k.a. Professional Karen & Chief) “The Act”, and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

At the time of this publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.