Ronald McDonald Drops The Hottest Mixtape of 2026 With Earnings Masterclass

Fun fact: My waist size and the size of McDonald's recent earnings are in direct correlation… 

Well, friends… It appears McDonald's just reminded everyone that America will absolutely budget for fries before it budgets for therapy. The house Ronald built put up a stellar showing of $7B in revenue vs. $6.84B expected while adjusted EPS came in at $3.12 vs. the $3.05 expected. Oh, and Global and U.S. comps absolutely mooned 5.7% and 6.8% respectively. 

“America’s church wins again” - Ray Croc, probably. 

In short, for a year, the narrative’s been that the low-income-consumer is cooked, GLP-1s are shrinking stomach capacity, and fast food is headed for a slow, beige death. Meanwhile, McDonald’s relaunches Extra Value Meals at ~15% off and suddenly the parking lot looks like a GLP-1 investors w*t dream. 

Per CEO Chris Kempczinski, McDonald’s “listened to customers”. Which is probably a smart thing considering that rent is up and credit card APRs are doing CrossFit at the moment. And now McDonalds once again proves they sit right in that sweet spot of affordable indulgence. Cheap enough to justify. Familiar enough to feel safe.

(Source: CNBC) 

Additionally, Ronald and the Gang layered in a promo slop over the last quarter. Case in point: The Grinch Meal moved 50 million pairs of socks in a few days. For a brief, deeply American moment, the world’s largest burger chain was also the world’s largest sock dealer. It also triggered the highest sales day in company history. Monopoly came back and millions of adults once again convinced themselves they were one sticker away from early retirement. Translation: Behavioral finance, but make it greasy. 

Over on the international side, it was just as impressive. Operated markets popped +5.2% and developmental licensing mooned +4.5%. As you might imagine, the stock gave happy investors the Big Mac treatment right? Wrongo. Shares popped after hours for a brief memento and then gave it back. Why? Because the market doesn’t reward competence anymore. It rewards acceleration. Q1 comps are expected to cool from Q4. Storms clipped traffic. Execs used the word “challenging.” That’s enough for short-term money to hit the sell button and go chase whatever AI-adjacent thing is glowing green.

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, capex is sitting nice and pretty at $3.7B–$3.9B this year, about 2,600 new stores, and 2,100 net additions. So clearly, regardless of the aftertaste of traders, McDonalds earnings definitely shows that the consumer isn’t dead. He’s selective. He’ll skip the $18 fast-casual bowl and pull into the drive-thru for a discounted combo with a side of nostalgia and a sock. And in this racket, that’s the moat. America is still ordering fries, all day, erryday. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in McDonalds as mentioned in the article.