Retail Investors Have a Fever and the Only Medicine Is Robinhood's “Free Money” Gimmick…

Remember when regulators told Robinhood to stop turning investing into a Vegas slot machine for people who think “due diligence” is a suggestion? Yeah, well, Vlad Tenev just rolled out a crypto deposit match so on-the-nose, I’m half expecting him to announce free drink tickets and a loyalty punch card for every time you YOLO into dogecoin. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Tenev is basically preaching that if you deposit any crypto into Robinhood, they’ll spot you a 1% bonus, no questions asked. But wait… IF the Robinhood “community” (read: r/wallstreetbets basically) dumps $500 million or more in crypto on the platform before July 7, that match jumps to 2%. So basically, Robinhood is turning into DraftKings, but fewer touchdowns and more IRS audits? Precisely. 

Naturally though, Wall Street is eating it up. HOOD stock ripped 7% on the news, because apparently nothing gets investors more horned up than the promise of free internet money on top of more internet money. Additionally, the stock is now up 120% this year, which is absolutely wild for a company that spent most of the last few years getting roasted by Congress and Reddit at the same time. 

(Source: TipRanks) 

However, while he’s created quite the cesspool stir, Vlad didn’t stop at the crypto match. For instance, last week’s livestream was basically a TED Talk for degenerate traders. We’re getting “Cortex’s Digest”... an AI tool that promises “timely insights,” which I’m sure will absolutely not encourage anyone to ape into meme coins at 2 a.m. (Not to mention they got nothing on Stocks.News… go ahead, and call me biased). But alas, there’s also a new Legend suite for the mobile app, complete with advanced charting and indicator features… which honestly, I’m surprised this is even a “new” thing in 2025. 

As for the options side of Robinhood, it’s streamlined. The number of steps to execute a trade has been reduced, presumably because the only thing stopping people from blowing up their accounts was two extra taps LOL. And for those who want to pretend they’re running a hedge fund, Robinhood now simulates potential returns on stocks, so you can daydream about being Warren Buffett before your portfolio gets rugged by earnings season. Bigly. 

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To be fair, as an investor, all of this is good. Why? Because Robinhood is doubling down on its core business… making trading feel like a mobile game, complete with dopamine hits and limited-time offers. The crypto match promo is pure FOMO bait, and if you think it’s about “empowering the retail investor,” I’ve got some Fartcoin to sell you. 

Bottom line is that investors are mooning the stock, and the crypto mouth breathers are swarming in droves. Meaning, if you’re bullish on retail traders chasing shiny objects, Robinhood is the only casino in town that’s still handing out comps. Just don’t act surprised when the house wins. Because it always does… and not in a good way. For now, keep your eyes on Robinhood as shares are up another 3.35% this morning (12.70% over the last five trading days), and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Robinhood as mentioned in the article.