Nvidia's $100B “Partnership” Unmasked as Bernie Madoff in a Leather Jacket... Wahlberg: Meme Stock?

Live look at AI degens connecting the dots on Jensen’s Evil Masterplan:

If this “age of AI” has proven anything, it’s that Wall Street is crawling with dumba**es who couldn’t tell a GPU from an Olive Garden “your table’s ready” buzzer… but somehow dumped their entire portfolio into “the future of intelligence.”

And yet somehow… the lightbulb’s finally flickering on, like a Motel 6 sign that’s been half-dead since ‘98. Investors are starting to see this AI “revolution” for what it really is… one big circle jerk of a Ponzi scheme. In case you were wondering, the market did not love the epiphany. The S&P 500 (-0.4%), Nasdaq (-0.5%), and Dow (-0.3%) all hit the red button on Humpday.

If you need a scapegoat, look no further than Daddy Jensen. Nvidia (-1%) slid a couple days removed from revealing it would “funnel” $100 billion into OpenAI. The headline had everyone losing their damn minds… until investors connected the dots and rumors swirled that Altman’s crew might just rent the chips like a Hertz Kia instead of buying them outright.

Translation: Nvidia lends OpenAI money, so OpenAI can immediately hand it back to Nvidia for chips. Economists call it “vendor financing.” Everyone else calls it “sus af.”

Let’s be crystal clear… Jensen is literally paying OpenAI to buy his own hardware. If that doesn’t scream Ponzi-adjacent, you probably still think FTX was “just a liquidity issue.”

Which brings us to our next culprit… Oracle (-3%) also caught the contagion, dropping for the second straight day. Larry Ellison is reportedly trying to raise $15 billion in corporate notes, because the AI hype machine isn’t self-funding after all (shocking right?). Investors heard that and thought: “Wait… so all this cloud-AI synergy stuff actually costs money?”

That said, while AI names were fighting for their lives, other sectors actually looked alive. Housing stocks perked up after new home sales spiked 20% in August to 800,000 units… their highest since January 2022 (aka the month Jerome Powell personally delayed every millennial’s first housewarming party by five years). Lennar popped 2%, LGI Homes and M/I Homes climbed too. (POV: your realtor rn.)

And after a week where Big Pharma suddenly had to explain why half of America thinks Tylenol was the reason they flunked out of nursing school, biotech bounced back BIGLY. UniQure (+250%) mooned after its gene therapy slowed Huntington’s disease progression in trials. Mark Wahlberg’s agent is reportedly already circling for the movie rights. (Do I sense another meme stock in the works?)

Meanwhile in Donnie’s World, the Trumpster announced his administration would return $13 billion in unused green subsidies back to the Treasury. Energy Secretary Chris Wright called Biden’s wind-and-solar spending spree “reckless,” and Trump doubled down with his One Big Beautiful Bill Act, phasing out credits for renewables. The generational run of wiping solar off the face of the earth continues…

With all that said, let’s try to be thankful. Markets are still up nearly 3% this month, way ahead of the usual Sell-tember curse (down 4.2% on average over the last five years). But with Powell calling valuations “fairly highly valued” (Fed-speak for “you’re cooked”), everyone’s preparing themselves for jobless claims Thursday and PCE inflation Friday. And just give us all more anxiety, a government shutdown is waiting in the wings… Congress’s version of pumpkin spice, back every fall whether you want it or not. 

As for our Stock Prophet Watchlist, we had a pretty good day for a “blood in the streets” kind of market. We scored a 10% gain on CYCU and a 12% move on DBGI. If you got in on those, give yourself a pat on the back… if not, what are you even doing?

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News doesn’t hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.