Microsoft’s Assaults Wall Street Estimates, Investors Forget Tariff Chaos Is Weeks Away...

Microsoft just posted numbers that made Wall Street forget, for a brief, delirious moment, that the economy is a flaming trash heap on a windy day. Shares jumped 9% in after-hours trading, because obviously, when you pull out $70 billion in revenue and $25.8 billion in net income, people look past the part where you’re about to get steamrolled by tariffs and supply chain chaos. 

(Source: Giphy) 

For instance, Azure (read: Microsoft's deep-fried AI cash cow) grew 33%. Not 15, no 20, not whatever number Snap would kill for. Thirty-three friggin’ percent. Sixteen points of that came straight from AI, which basically means your ChatGPT addiction is now Microsoft’s primary revenue stream. Congrats, you’re funding the machine. Meaning, this was clearly Microsoft kicking in the front door, slapping the consensus in the face with a rolled-up earnings sheet, and pissing on the rug. EPS came in at $3.46 vs. $3.22 expected. Revenue beat by about $1.6 billion. And then they had the audacity to raise guidance higher than a cokehead’s eyebrows at a Miami afterparty. 

But, but, but… all of this (every last dollar) was pretty much before Trump’s new tariffs even hit. We all know those, right? The ones where importing anything more complicated than a toaster is about to cost 40% more because we’re playing chicken with China. Microsoft’s entire AI expansion plan—$80 billion in capex for FY25—is built on importing servers, chips, and all the other nerd sh*t needed to keep Azure running. So yeah, that’s about to get a whole lot more expensive. 

(Source: CNBC) 

But did anyone on the earnings call sound worried? Of course not. They’re too busy printing money and pretending the trade war is someone else’s problem (especially considering this is the same company that blew nearly $17 billion on AI infrastructure last quarter and still managed to post an operating margin north of 43%... bigly). 

Meanwhile, around the same time Microsoft was cashin’ checks and snappin’ necks, Zuck & the Gang were boasting 350 million Threads users like it matters. They posted solid Q1 numbers (read: sales jumped 16% YoY), but they also dumped $4.2 billion down the Reality Labs toilet again, because Zuck still thinks we’re all going to live in his VR Sims game.

(Source: Giphy) 

Oh, and Zuckerburg is planning to spend a bulging amount of benjamins on AI and data centers in 2025. The number? Around $64-$72 billion, which may or may not end up right back in Microsoft's pocket someway. So yeah, Microsoft's back, and Meta is still big swingin’ Meta. But again, Q1 was a very different world than what we’ve experienced in April, and come next earnings, these pigs may not have as much lipstick to go around. 

For now, keep your eyes on both stocks and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends… 

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News holds positions in Meta, Microsoft, and Snap as mentioned in the article.