Microsoft Kicks 9,000 Pour Souls to the Unemployment Line, Corporate Culling At Its Finest…

It looks like homeboy Satya Nadella just put 9,000 employees on the express track to LinkedIn purgatory. That’s about 4% of its global workforce, straight to the unemployment line, no assembly required. Meaning, if you’re still shocked by Big Tech’s appetite for ritual sacrifice, you must have missed the last twelve months where “operational excellence” meant “HR with a body count.” 

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, Microsoft’s line is all about “reducing management layers” and “positioning for success in a dynamic marketplace,” which translates to: too many people with “Director of Enablement” in their email signature and not enough with their nose up Satya Nadella’s balance sheet. 

(Source: CNBC) 

Keep in mind, this is Microsoft’s third major round of layoffs in the past year. January: 1,900 gone from Activision Blizzard and Xbox. May: another 6,000, plus 300 more for good measure in June. Now another 9,000 are out… engineers, designers, middle managers, and anybody unlucky enough to be caught innovating somewhere outside of Azure. Which means for those who are still collecting a paycheck in Redmond, their names are either on a patent or they have blackmail material on the finance department (lol sarcasm obvi). 

(Source: Giphy) 

But, but, but… didn’t Microsoft absolutely cook last quarter? You’re right, they did. Microsoft pulled in $26 billion net income on $70 billion revenue last quarter. They are the top five most profitable in the S&P 500, and their stock is giving five big booms energy, while hitting all time highs. But apparently, you don’t become a trillion-dollar behemoth by keeping “redundant” employees around, even if they’re the ones still patching Windows 11 so it doesn’t brick grandma’s laptop. As for the gaming division? That’s absolutely torched. Xbox, King (a.k.a. The Candy Crush Factory), ZeniMax, Turn 10, The Initiative… They are all taking hits. 

But alas, the private sector lost 33,000 jobs in June while economists predicted a gain of 100,000. And Microsoft’s new guillotine just gave the rest of tech the greenlight to keep cutting. Autodesk, Chegg, CrowdStrike, ADP… they are all trimming the herd and blaming “market conditions” while quietly praying AI doesn’t eat their bonus structure. For investors though, you pony boys are staying golden. Fewer employees means more “agility” (read: fatter margins, happier analysts, and more buybacks). Obviously, for the poor souls who just got sacrificed by Satya, this is just another example of how fragile your labor is in this new world we call AI. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the end, this isn’t the first layoff, and it certainly won’t be the last. But according to management, it will likely lead to up and to the right performance. Of course, only time will tell, but keep your eyes on Microsoft and the tech sector regarding what's next. For now, place your bets accordingly, and keep your heads on the swivel. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Microsoft as mentioned in the article.