Meta Launches New ChatGPT Knockoff that Already Knows Your Deepest Darkest Secrets…

Whadda rip-off… literally… 

Meta just launched a stand-alone AI app, because apparently embedding its chatbot into every corner of Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, and Messenger wasn’t invasive enough. Now, Daddy Zuck & the Boys want to crawl into your pocket with their own app, fully juiced up on your personal data, years of behavioral tracking, and whatever else you handed over for free while doom-scrolling through OnlyFans. 

(Source: Giphy) 

“So it’s a ChatGPT knockoff?” Yes, but with a girthy treasure trove of surveillance capabilities baked in. Meta’s AI isn’t starting from scratch when you open the app, it already knows what you like, who you thirst-follow, what Facebook groups you joined in 2013, and how often you engage with videos of people whispering into microphones. It’s not artificial intelligence. It’s artificially intimate. The AI version of that one friend who remembers everything you’ve ever said and weaponizes it at the worst possible moment.

For instance, at its big developer fest, “LlamaCon”, Meta made it clear this is their move to take on OpenAI, Google, Anthropic, and Elon’s latest midlife crisis, Grok. Except Meta doesn’t need to ask who you are. It already knows. That’s the business model. That’s always been the business model. And now they’re dressing it up as a “personalized assistant” and selling it back to you.

(Source: Tech Crunch) 

Of course, just knowing that information alone basically tells you everything the app is going to do. It’s just a glorified ChatGPT where you can add more personal info like dietary restrictions so it can better “serve” you. Now with that said, Meta buried the privacy landmine under the usual legal footnotes. “You’re in control”, they say. “You can choose what to share.” But here’s the thing, you were the product the second you signed up for Facebook in high school. Now they’ve just wrapped the same data extraction scheme in a chatbot UI (no word on a celebrity death match between Zuck and Sam yet) and added a “Discover” feed so you can watch your friends ask the AI to describe them in emojis. It’s like if Clippy started selling your secrets to advertisers.

For now, the app is only rolling out in the U.S. and Canada for now—probably because the EU would burn it to the ground under GDPR. But one can’t help but think this is Meta laying the groundwork for a global AI surveillance layer dressed up as a productivity tool. Why? Well, because it’s not exactly subtle. Zuckerberg straight-up said he expects Meta AI to become the most used chatbot on earth by 2025. That’s this year, if you didn’t know—meanwhile, OpenAI is boasting 180.5 million monthly active ChatGPT users. Translation: It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it pays off for Zuck… 

(Source: Giphy) 

Speaking of bold strategy, Meta’s already sunk $65 billion into AI infrastructure this year alone, and now it needs to prove that’s not just another metaverse-level cash bonfire. Investors want blood. And the best way to show ROI on that mountain of capex? Monetize every single keystroke, interaction, and prompt you feed into their chatbot.

So yeah, Zuckerburg is launching another app, with the exact same blueprint as ChatGPT, but with all your data, habits, desires, and God knows what else you do at night… baked into its interface. You're welcome. For now, keep your eyes on Meta and how this rollout will look like. Zuckerburg goes live and on camera after the closing bell for their Q1 earnings call. So it’ll be interesting to hear what else he plans for this escapade. Until next time, friends… 

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Stocks.News holds positions in Meta and Google as mentioned in the article. .