Meta Gets Left on Read (Again), Apple Lurks, and Perplexity Just Wants to Be Hot and Unbothered…

Marky Mark just can’t help himself. The man could be on fire and he’d still find a way to wander into someone else’s burning building. And yet, this time, he set his Prada sights on Perplexity AI… a.k.a. The search startup that’s apparently the last available honest women in Silicon Valley. According to reports, Zuck tried to buy the whole thing. But as you can imagine, that didn’t go anywhere, unless you count “awkward rejection” as a destination.

(Source: Giphy) 

From there, he tried to poach Perplexity’s CEO, Aravind Srinivas, for Meta’s “superintelligence” team. You have to respect the hustle, I guess. When you can’t buy the company, just try and buy the human. However, that also went nowhere. Why? Because Perplexity is out here living it’s best life, fresh off a $14 billion valuation and fielding more calls than a weed dealer on 4/20. Siri, play “I don’t want no scrubs” by TLC. 

(Source: The Verge) 

Speaking of Siri, this is where Apple comes in. Tim Cook, never one to miss the chance to make a move once Zuck has already made things weird, is holding internal meetings about maybe, possibly, one day buying Perplexity. With that said, Tim Apple hasn’t even made an offer yet… just a lot of “what if” statements and nervous glances at the DOJ, who might yank their $20B/year Google search deal at any minute. As we all know, Siri’s already barely functional… So if Google pulls out, we’re one iOS update away from her just whispering “good luck” every time you ask a question.

But, but, but… given all this and the power struggle between these two big swinging jokes, why is everyone suddenly obsessed with Perplexity? For one, the company actually has a product that works… think real-time answers, citations, and an AI browser that doesn’t hallucinate like it’s been microdosing expired Quaaludes. Which, if you haven’t paid attention, is actually a BFD in a world where every generative AI startup is burning VC money to generate Wikipedia fan fiction. 

(Source: Bloomberg) 

And yet, while Meta is hemorrhaging dignity, fresh off their bigly Scale AI purchase, and throwing $100M signing bonuses at anyone with a pulse and a GitHub account, trying to convince the world that Menlo Park is still cool… buying their way into Perplexity seemed like the only solid move on the Monopoly board. But apparently nobody on the Perplexity team is biting, presumably because they see Meta as the last kid picked in dodgeball. 

As for Apple, it’s their classical “slowest ninja alive” phase, waiting to see if the government sets their Google cash pipeline on fire before making a move. If they do buy Perplexity, it’ll be the biggest acquisition in Apple’s history, making Beats by Dre look like pocket change. Imagine dropping $15 billion just so Siri can finally answer “What’s the weather?” without having a panic attack. 

(Source: Reddit) 

However, even though the possibilities and potential are endless for both Meta and Apple (if either one acquired Perplexity), as of right now, Perplexity is just trying to keep the group chat muted. At this point in time, they don’t need to do anything except not pick up the phone. The offers keep getting bigger, and the only real risk is that Zuck shows up in person. At that point, just lock the doors and tell security not to let anyone in wearing sunscreen indoors LOL. 

In the end, this is huge because should someone dip their pen in Perplexty’s ink (read: buyout), it will be a tremendous leap frog move in the AI arms race. And right now, while OpenAI is experimenting with Jony Ives (Apple's former G.O.A.T.) and Microsoft is playing both sides of the ball super well, Meta and Apple need all the fire power they can get to keep up. Meaning, keep your eyes on this story, and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Apple, Microsoft, Google, and Meta as mentioned in the article.