Jerry Interest Rates (Read: J-Poww) Stares Down Criminal Probe After Subpoena…

“I’ll never financially emotionally recover from this…” - J-Poww right now

First the Grateful Dead news… now this? (read: J-Poww is a raving Deadhead). In short, Jerome Powell is getting a behind-the-scenes POV of “when it rains it pours”. More specifically, on Sunday night, word spread that federal prosecutors have opened a criminal investigation into Jerry Interest Rates over the Fed’s $2.5B renovation project. I’m sure you recall this cultural moment for context:

(Source: Giphy) 

According to Powell, the investigation centers on his testimony before the Senate Banking Committee last June. Translation: someone thinks he lied to Congress about the renovation. Say what you want about Washington, but “lying to Congress” remains one of the few bipartisan hobbies that still gets people fired up. Ask Michael Cohen. Powell didn’t exactly sound like a man casually clearing up a misunderstanding. His statement was doing real work. He framed the probe as political pressure, full stop… an attempt to intimidate the Fed into cutting rates faster and deeper than it wanted to. In other words, this wasn’t about drywall invoices or marble sourcing. This was about whether the Fed still gets to pretend it’s Uncle Sam’s big swingin’ d*ck. 

If you’ve been following along, you already know Powell and President Trump have been circling each other like two guys arguing over the aux cord. Trump has spent months publicly torching Powell for not cutting rates aggressively enough, occasionally questioning his competence as a builder while he’s at it. Powell, meanwhile, has been staring straight ahead and gripping the steering wheel. Now we’ve escalated to subpoenas.

(Source: CNBC) 

Powell says the DOJ served the Fed with grand jury subpoenas tied to his testimony. DOJ, for its part, insists it’s just “prioritizing investigations into abuse of taxpayer dollars.” Which is technically true in the same way it’s technically true that Diddy’s “White Parties” weren’t “just” parties. Naturally, the markets did what markets do when the guy in charge of interest rates starts talking about criminal probes and political intimidation: futures dipped immediately. Spoiler: Investors don’t love uncertainty, and they really don’t love the idea that monetary policy could turn into a hostage negotiation.

What makes this messier is the timing. Powell’s term as Fed Chair ends in May, but his term as a governor runs until 2028. Which means, if he wanted to be petty… and the man just got subpoenaed… he could theoretically stick around out of sheer spite and complicate Trump’s ability to reshape the board. That would be unconventional, but as one strategist put it, everything is unconventional now. And yet, looming over all of it is the uncomfortable reality that Powell was originally Trump’s pick. Nominated in 2017. Confirmed in 2018. The relationship just… soured. Hard. Trump has called Fed officials “boneheads,” mocked Powell’s golf game, and openly said he’d love to fire him. Powell, meanwhile, keeps insisting he’s just following the data. 

Sup, BLS and Government Shutdown (Source: Giphy) 

All of this, mind you, happened within 48 hours of a Grateful Dead legend dying. If you believe in omens, the universe is being extremely on-the-nose. Meaning, buckle up friends, this one is going to get juicy. Until next time… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.