Jane Street Co-Founder “Accidentally” Funds AK-47 Shopping Spree, Claims He Was Duped Into Coup…

"Funding secured..." 

It looks like Jane Street doesn’t just manipulate markets… they’re out here accidentally manipulating entire countries, too. You’d think running a $20 billion trading firm would get you some sense, but apparently, all it takes to separate a Wall Street quant from his millions is a Harvard Fellow with a sob story and a wishlist that reads like a Nigerian prince. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Robert Granieri, the shadowy co-founder of Jane Street (a.k.a. The same place that produced the slime of the Earth: SBF), just admitted he wired $7 million to what he thought was a “human rights” cause in South Sudan. Spoiler: prosecutors say he got played, and the money was allegedly about to bankroll AK-47s, Stingers, and enough grenades to redecorate Sudan into a Michael Bay movie. 

(Source: Wall Street Journal) 

The main character in this award winning Netflix documentary is none other than Peter Ajak… a Harvard Fellow, former child soldier, and apparently a guy who thought “installing myself as president” was just another bullet point on the CV. Along with sidekick Abraham Keech, Ajak allegedly convinced Granieri he was funding democracy, not a live-action coup. According to court docs, Granieri’s cash was “vital to the plan.” Without it, the whole thing would’ve been dead on arrival, like BP’s clean energy strategy LOL. 

Granieri’s defense is basically “he lied to me,” which, to be fair, is the same excuse every Wall Streeter gives after they’ve been bamboozled out of money. His lawyer says Granieri’s a “longtime supporter of human rights”... but, you know, definitely NOT the kind that comes with a shopping list for Dick Cheney like hardware. 

(Source: Yarn) 

Additionally, we also have Garry Kasparov, the chess grandmaster who somehow ends up in every geopolitical plot that doesn’t involve Vladimir Putin. Kasparov introduced Ajak to Granieri, and now he’s in the filings too, swearing up and down that he’s still the democracy guy, not the “let’s buy a missile” guy. The government, for now, is only charging Ajak and Keech, which their lawyers say is looking a little sus… especially since the money trail is basically a Wall Street who’s who. 

As for the mechanics, its mess is pure Wall Street: encrypted messages, meetings in Midtown condos, and a pro bono lawyer who probably wishes she’d stuck to real estate closings. Granieri wires the cash, Ajak and Keech go shopping for weapons in Phoenix, and the feds swoop in to cut the card. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, Ajak’s legal team is already floating the “public authority” defense, aka “the government was chill with it, trust.” Prosecutors say the State Department told them to kick rocks. Now we’ve got a courtroom clusterf**k. Again, when I say this is award winning… I absolutely mean it. 

In the end though, while Granieri claims it was “accidental funding”, I can only assume he’s just hoping nobody asks too many questions. There’s definitely something weird here. And yet, if it truly was accidental, this is just another reminder that even the guys who arbitrage the world’s markets can get rugged if you dangle the right cause in front of them. Wonderful. Meaning, always… and I mean ALWAYS do your due diligence and place your bets accordingly, friends. Until next time… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.