FT: Nasdaq Taps Out -1% as Jensen's FBI Honeypot Scandal Tags in Hot CPI… Dario Makes Final Offer

Nobody:

The Bureau of Labor Statistics: “You thought Jensen was done ruining your Tuesday?”

Well friends, I regret to inform you that Nvidia bagholders shareholders have officially reached the “CALL MY LAWYER” stage of the AI revolution.

And no, this time it isn't because Jensen announced another $100 billion investment in a company that plans to spend $100 billion buying Nvidia chips.

“Those were the good old days.” -Michael Burry, probably

Instead, investors are going all “I’ll sue your a**” on the man following reports that his yearslong relationship with his Beijing Baddie alleged Chinese intelligence operative Alice “Honeypot” Huang helped facilitate more than $7 BILLION in Nvidia chip sales to China.

Oh, and now his good friend Donnie Politics has now confirmed the FBI is investigating.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

And Wall Street has responded to Jensen getting caught in a thirst trap by throwing the world’s favorite chip stock into a bear trap. 

Nvidia shares dropped another 6% Tuesday, following Monday's 4% beating.

That's 10% in two trading sessions. (And my third-grade teacher said I'd never amount to anything.)

But Jensen's canoodling activities were only half the reason your brokerage account was crying for mercy this fine Tuesday.

Because apparently, the Bureau of Labor Statistics wasn't about to let one horny billionaire take ALL the credit for destroying shareholder value. 

So it released October's inflation numbers.

*opens envelope*

“Oh, that’s bad.”

October's Consumer Price Index rose 0.4% month-over-month, topping economists' 0.3% forecast.

Now, technically, that's an improvement from September's 0.6% increase.

But prices are still climbing, and thanks to last year's government shutdown, the report didn't even include annual inflation figures.

Apparently we're running the world's largest economy with the recordkeeping system of a Waffle House during a power outage.

And the Fed's response?

MORE RATE HIKES, BABY.

Traders now overwhelmingly expect a 25-basis-point hike in December, with some bracing for 50 after Fed Governor Chris Waller signaled he'd be open to it.

Chris, my guy. The S&P 500 is already seeing stars. You don't have to bring out the folding chair. 

Speaking of getting whacked in the head…

The Dow dropped 0.3%, the S&P 500 lost 0.5%, and the Nasdaq surrendered 1% steel-chair special as investors reconsidered paying nosebleed valuations for tech stocks with borrowing costs headed higher.

Speaking of expensive technology stocks…

Microsoft dropped 3% after Anthropic introduced new Claude tools targeting the same corporate customers Microsoft has spent decades milking through Office subscriptions.

“I see you've opened Excel. Would you like me to destroy Microsoft's market cap?” -Claude Opus, probably

Meanwhile, Dario and the Claude cartel officially hit the IPO circuit Tuesday, asking investors to cough up 70-78 per share for a company valued at a perfectly reasonable $1.4 TRILLION.

“Claude, do you regret going public in this sh*tshow of a market?” 

“That's a thoughtful and nuanced question.”

Finally, if you need further proof that the Swoosh has officially entered its “babe, please pick up the phone” era…

Nike is hosting its first Investor Day since 2017, where CEO Elliott Hill will attempt to convince Wall Street the relationship is still salvageable.

All while Phil Knight continues funding Oregon football like the Saudis bankrolled LIV Golf.

Shareholders: “Our Nike shares are down again.” 

Phil Knight: “That's terrible. You guys think $8 million is too much for a quarterback?”

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Market Gossip

>Take-Two stock rises on 'unprecedented' preorders for 'Grand Theft Auto VI' (Yahoo Finance): I’m sure the unprecedented demand has absolutely nothing to do with that viral strip club footage. Absolutely nothing.

>Anthropic sets IPO price range of $70 to $78, looks to start trading Nov. 19, sources say (CNBC): Identity of Anthropic’s biggest planned short-seller has officially leaked (SEE WHO).

>FDA issues new warning for Ozempic saying it can cause blindness with 'eye stroke' side effect (Daily Mail): And so it begins…

>Amazon’s Ring Unveils $250 Flying Security Camera After Delays (Bloomberg): Homeowner: “Alexa, there's a burglar in my house.”

Alexa: “Wonderful! Your drone will be charged in 45 minutes.”

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Microsoft and Amazon as mentioned in the article.