From Viral TikTok “ATM Hack” to Massive Lawsuits—Inside Jamie Dimon’s Ruthless Pursuit for Revenge…

Remember that time TikTok turned into a bootleg version of Ocean’s Eleven, and a bunch of idiots thought they’d discovered a cheat code to free money? Yeah, Jamie Dimon & Co. does, too—and now, the bank is suing your cousin Marcus and 999 of his closest friends for trying to finesse JPMorgan out of tens of thousands through what the internet lovingly dubbed the “infinite money glitch.” Spoiler: the only infinite part is the girthy lawyer fees. 

Live look at Jamie Dimon right now… 

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For starters, back in August 2024, a viral glitch that minted a record number of wannabe Frank Abegnale Jr.’s allowed broke a$$ people to deposit fake checks and immediately withdraw the full amount before the bank could say, “Are you sure about that?”. In one Georgia case, a guy deposited a $73K check and somehow walked off with $82,500 in cash before the check bounced six days later LOL.

Of course, JPMorgan to its credit, let this cook for a minute. But now it’s back with a vengeance and a stack of lawsuits. The bank already went after the highest-dollar scammers in federal court last year. Now, it’s targeting the lower-tier fraudsters who made off with under $75K each, which includes state court filings in places like Miami, the Bronx, and a plethora of Texas counties.

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Additionally, JPMorgan’s already sent out over 1,000 letters demanding repayment. Some folks actually gave the money back voluntarily after CNBC reported in October that the hammer was coming down. The rest though, are getting slapped with suits involving theft, fraud, and general dumbassery. The absolute hilarious part? Some of these glitch-runners tried to file for bankfruptcy to dodge the bill. To which, JPMorgan responded with a push to block those bankruptcy discharges, arguing (correctly, I’d add) that bankruptcy protection isn’t meant for people who took the “fraud is a lifestyle” approach to banking.

“There are genuine and important reasons people use bankruptcy protections,” JPMorgan spokesman Drew Pusateri said. “Getting rid of debts you accumulated through fraud isn’t one of them.” Translation: You can’t finesse your way out of a finesse.

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So yeah, JPMorgan has officially channeled its inner Don Corleone, while making an example out of everyone who tried to outsmart the banking system using the financial IQ of a Reddit thread. And whether you think JPMorgan is being petty or perfectly justified, one thing’s for sure, what Jamie Dimon wants, Jamie Dimon gets, and right now he wants revenge. 

In the end, outside of trying to decipher the stock market and investments to make a buck—this is just another example of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”. If you’re gonna rob a bank, maybe don’t do it using your real account, your real name, and your real iPhone to film it. And for the love of God, don’t brag about it online. Not unless you’re cool with your 15 minutes of fame being followed by 15 months of litigation.

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On the other hand, when it comes to the stock though, JPMorgan is cruising 28.70% over the past twelve months, but down -3.60% YTD. Meaning, while this level of degeneracy barely puts a dent in JPMorgans bottom line, investors don’t seem to be worried. And for those of you with Jamie Dimon “diamond hands” in your portfolio, that’s a good thing. So for now, keep your eyes on this story for what comes next, and as always, place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.