From Bankrupt to Panic-Selling Your DNA, 23andMe Has Nothing Left to Lose—And Congress Knows It…

This is why we can’t have nice things. Or, more specifically, why you probably shouldn’t have mailed your genetic code to a VC-backed startup that turned your spit into a revenue stream. Why? Well, because 23andme is officially bankrupt, and currently being grilled by Congress like it just got caught selling organs on the dark web. And now, the House Committee on Energy and Commerce is demanding answers about what happens to the company’s most valuable asset: your DNA.

(Source: Giphy) 

We are talking about 15 million people’s genetic data—the kind that can’t be changed, can’t be anonymized, and could, in the wrong hands, be used to do everything from deny you insurance to create a clone army of suburban dads with high cholesterol. And naturally, for a company with absolutely nothing to lose…  23andMe is trying to sell the whole vault. 

Now what’s interesting here is that buried in their privacy policy is a little clause that says, hey, in the event of a bankruptcy, your data may be “accessed, sold or transferred” as part of the process. And guess what? That wasn’t some mandela effect in real life. A judge already ruled that, yeah, they can do exactly that. Meaning, now the company is in Chapter 11, the assets are up for grabs, and Congress—led by Reps. Brett Guthrie, Gus Bilirakis, and Gary Palmer—wants to know who, exactly, might be buying your DNA… and what the hell they plan to do with it. The Committee gave 23andMe until May 1 to explain how it's vetting buyers and whether customers can actually delete their data before they’re used to make piss tests the way of the dinosaurs. 

(Source: CNBC) 

Spoiler: some users are saying they can’t delete their data at all. Which is very on-brand for a company that once claimed to empower consumers with info, but now when the bullet is to the head, the turntables have turned. And not in a good way. The other major problem here? 23andMe isn’t covered under HIPAA. That’s right, the same law that protects your medical records at the doctor’s office doesn’t apply to direct-to-consumer DNA kits. So there’s no federal law stopping someone from scooping up your saliva profile and doing God knows what with it. Think targeted ads are creepy? Wait until your insurance premium spikes because a hedge fund found out your great-grandfather had gout.

Which means this whole thing is a flaming case study in what happens when a corporation over promises, under-delivers, and then rage-quits when the monetization plan doesn’t scale. 23andMe went from being valued at $6 billion to selling off its assets in a Missouri bankruptcy court. And the only part of the business anyone wants is, duhhh, the genetic data. Not the brand. Not the team. Just the DNA. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Now to be fair, 23andMe swears up and down that whoever buys the company has to comply with its privacy policy and applicable laws. But, but, but… those laws are mostly nonexistent. And the privacy policies look like they were written by Elizabeth Holmes (read: Theranos). Meaning, in the grand scheme of it all, your conspiracy theorist uncle was right. You probably shouldn’t have sent “them” your spit. But here we are watching it all unravel right before our eyes. 

For now, good luck deleting your data. And get ready for the year of “I told you so’s”. In the meantime, place your bets accordingly and keep your eyes on this story. Until next time, friends… 

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.