Final Tally: Jerome’s Barbershop: Open for Cuts… Reagan Roasts, Trump Ghosts

POV of every analyst who swore the “AI bubble” was about to burst for the 1,123rd time watching stocks hit ATH’s… again:

If you logged into your brokerage account this morning and thought, “Oh, something good must’ve happened,” you were absolutely right. 

September’s CPI report (that’s “Consumer Price Index” if you want to sound like you majored in economics instead of performance arts) just dropped, and it took away the very last excuse Jerome and his cronies had in their bag to backtrack on cutting rates. 

That prompted stocks to do their best Snoop Dogg impression to yet another all-time highs. Because as we learned during one of the scariest pandemics in history… people can be dropping like flies, we can be afraid to leave our homes, but as long as Jerome does the deed… stonks go up.

The Dow exploded 561 points higher (+1.2%), cruising toward its first-ever close above 47,000. The S&P 500 added another 1%, officially breaking 6,800 for the first time in history, while the Nasdaq popped 1.3%, driven by (you guessed it) AI stocks laughing in the face of Jim Chanos and all his bearish book-club buddies.

The CPI came in cooler than expected… up just 0.3% on the month and 3% year-over-year, a notch below economists’ forecasts. Translation: inflation’s calming down, Jerome’s feet are put to the fire, and everyone’s portfolio suddenly feels 15% smarter. 

Odds for a rate trim next week jumped to 99%, with a December encore sitting around 96%. Wall Street’s new motto is clearly: “When in doubt, cut it out.”

Bank stocks partied the hardest… because think about it, when borrowing gets cheaper, they get richer. JPMorgan, Wells Fargo, Citigroup, and the rest of the finance bros all popped more than 2%. Even Goldman Sachs took the elevator down from its ivory tower and lit up a cigar with the common folk (+4%). 

Meanwhile, Ford floored it 10.7% after obliterating earnings… proof that sometimes the best innovation is un-innovation (new word). The second they stopped trying to out-Elon Elon and just made pickup trucks again, the money started pouring in.

And you’re not gonna believe this… today’s biggest AI headline didn’t even come from Jensen or Altman. Alphabet popped 2.5% after sealing a “tens of billions” cloud deal with Anthropic, handing the AI prodigy one million of Google’s custom TPUs and kicking off what can only be described as a messy custody battle with Jeff Bezos.

And in the land of fuzzy boots and running shoes, Deckers tripped 12% after trimming sales forecasts for its Hoka and Ugg brands because (say it with your Trump voice)... TARIFFS.

Oh, and in today’s edition of You’ve Got to Be F**ing Kidding Me… Trump halted trade talks with Canada because Ontario ran an ad of Ronald Reagan roasting tariffs. Ontario’s Doug Ford quickly cleaned it up with a polite Canadian apology and promised to pull the ad after the World Series so negotiations could resume. 

Regarding our Stock Prophet Watchlist, even though today decided to take a nap with our alert on NRXS delivering a 18% move and that’s pretty much it…

This week was wild. Here are our biggest alerts this week: 

Monday: BYND 721%, GSIT 150%

Tuesday: NERV 104%, VSEE 51%

Wednesday: BENF 103%

Thursday: (whole lot of nothing)

Friday: NRXS 18%, VIVK 7% 

As always, check the app for the full recap… but if you add up every single alert we sent out this week, it comes to a total cumulative gain of 1,295%. Hopefully, you caught a few of those moves.

Now go enjoy the weekend, touch some grass, and rest up… because we’re back at it Monday.

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Ford and Alphabet as mentioned in the article.