“Wait, y’all are making money?” - The Dow, probably 

(Source: Imgflip) 

Aaaand we’re back folks. The S&P 500 did the shimmy today with a new record as Big Tech did what Big Tech does best: levitating reality (Read: Apple and Microsoft pumped). 

Meanwhile, the Dow… well, it was stuck in the corner coughing up blood. Case in point: The Dow fell out of its a$$ by 400 points because health insurers got guillotined by Donnie Deals. UnitedHealth folded nearly -20% after Medicare Advantage reimbursement news reminded everyone that healthcare stocks are basically a hostage negotiation in Washington. Humana nuked 21%. CVS face-planted 14%.

(Source: Giphy) 

Meaning, we had the most American trading day possible. Tech popping bottles, insurance exec’s questioning their existence… and the S&P 500 setting records. Make it make sense. Not to mention the fact that all of this is happening with a Fed decision looming tomorrow. Of course, no one actually expects a rate move… they just want to see how many times Powell says “data dependent” and whether his face twitches when inflation comes up.

Elsewhere, earnings season is in full-send mode.  By the end of the week, most of the S&P will have reported, with the Magnificent Seven tying the bow in the knot. Meanwhile, USA Rare Earth caught another bid after Benchmark raised their price target on Uncle Sam’s miners by 200% to $70. All while analysts are stepping over themselves to upgrade GM. In case you missed it, GM put on a masterclass in earnings as trucks and SUVs keep on printing. Upgrades now consist of $100 targets while the stock is chilling in the high 70s. Translation: The American economy in one sentence.

(Source: Facebook) 

Of course, as I mentioned yesterday, the rest of the week could be a different story. But for now, the only thing that’s getting kneecapped is healthcare… and for a brief moment, I’m fine with that (Spoiler: it could be worse). Until next time, friends… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

 

☕ Market Gossip

> TikTok says power outage behind Epstein, ICE censorship claims for U.S. app (CNBC): Tinfoil hats stay undefeated… 

> Amazon Is Closing Its Fresh Grocery, Go Convenience Stores (Bloomberg): “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” - Jeffrey Commerce, probably… 

> Chicago’s United Center will sell THC beverages at concessions in a U.S. arena first (CNBC): Ok, now do nose beers… 

> A Parent’s Only Wish: ‘I Just Want to Sit in My Car and Scroll’ (WSJ): Only the real ones understand… 
 

“WTF” Meme of the Day

Turns out, buying silver in 2020 because Robert Kiyosaki told me too wasn’t a bad idea after all… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Apple, Microsoft, and Amazon as mentioned in the article.