Final Tally: AI’s $1 Trillion Hangover Hits as Growth Stocks Fly the Market Straight Into a Mountain

Stop, stop, he’s already dead!

If you’re wondering how bad this selloff actually is compared to the other “buy-the-dip” moments we’ve lived through since Sam Altman kicked off the modern AI gold rush in 2022… this is the worst one yet.

Think about it, when was the last time your favorite AI darlings vaporized $1 trillion in market cap before the week even ended? Exactly. It’s been a minute since we’ve seen something this aggressive. Lucky us amirite?

For the fourth day in a row, growth stocks (read: AI slop) took the controls and flew the market directly into a mountain.The S&P fell 1%. The Nasdaq dropped 1.2%. Even the Dow (yesterday’s “safe place”) slid 1% as tech investors tried to process the ugliest January jobs data since 2009… and Alphabet’s AI spending habit, which is starting to look less visionary and more clinically concerning.

Speaking of everyone’s favorite web browser, Google slid 5%, becoming the latest Mag 7 member to absolutely eat it on earnings. Crazy that shareholders weren’t exactly thrilled about the idea of $185 billion in 2026 AI credit-card spending with no clear off-ramp. Shocking.

Not to be outdone, Apple’s side piece (also known as Qualcomm) got lit up for -7% after coughing up a weak forecast tied to the global memory shortage. Yet another reason everyone secretly hates data centers.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a proper market wipeout without mentioning Bitcoin… or should I say B****coin. The digital punching bag got damped another 12% today, bringing the six-month damage to -44%. Allegedly, several longtime HODLers have been spotted reapplying at McDonald’s, as this officially erases every last gain from Donnie Crypto’s second-term pump.

Last (and definitely not least) if you needed one more sign this market is ready to be taken out behind the barn and put out of its misery, look no further than the labor market.

(Source: CNBC)

Job openings just sank to their lowest level since 2020. Layoffs clocked in as the worst January since 2009… yes, that year. The one where we all playing Just Dance on our Nintendo Wii’s while our parents argued in the next room about foreclosure and which cousin’s couch we might be sleeping on next. Good times. If we can just break even tomorrow, I’m gonna take that as a major win the rate things are going.

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Market Gossip

>New Site Lets AI Rent Human Bodies "Robots need your body." (Futurism): Takes the phrase “robots are coming for us” to a whole new level.

>Sam Altman got exceptionally testy over Claude Super Bowl ads (TechCrunch): If you’re wondering how insecure Sam got… his Twitter post had more characters than my last college essay. Sidenote: are we really gonna let the creator of ChatGPT play the role of moral police?

>HR chief at center of Coldplay cheating scandal will discuss ‘taking back the narrative’ at $875 crisis conference (New York Post): But will there be a kiss cam?

>Bob's Discount Furniture goes public, raising $331 million in IPO (Boston Business Journal): Live look at their CEO deciding this was the moment to IPO, in the middle of a full-blown market dumpster fire.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Google, Apple, McDonald’s, and Bitcoin as mentioned in the article.