Fast-Food Zombie Staggers Forward After 1¢ EPS Beat As Taco Bell Drags Corpses of KFC & Pizza Hut

Yum! Brands just coughed up Q1 earnings, and what we got was a chaotic buffet of mediocrity, baby. Earnings beat expectations by a penny (yes, a single friggin’ cent), while revenue limped under the wire. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Some are calling this fiasco a win, while others call it a side of reheated optimism. As for me? I call it a participation trophy glossed up in spit-shine. EPS came in at $1.30 vs. $1.29 expected. Meanwhile, revenue posted $1.79 billion, versus the $1.83 billion Wall Street was hallucinating about. Yet, the only thing keeping this Frankenstein of a fast-food empire upright is Taco Bell, which continues to perform like it's the only kid in the family not addicted to meth.

Same-store sales went up 9%, which is impressive until you remember the bar is set by Pizza Hut, a brand so lost it should be on a milk carton. Speaking of which, Pizza Hut’s same-store sales dropped 2%, U.S. sales cratered 5%, and somehow that’s being framed as “improvement.” That’s like saying your house didn’t burn down as fast this time.

(Source: CNBC) 

Of course, the company tried to distract us with shiny objects like “digital sales,” which now account for 55% of revenue. Meaning, Yum! Brands has officially trained millions of people to order bottom-tier tacos through a touchscreen while half-asleep. Byte by Yum!—their in-house digital platform—was name-dropped like it’s going to revolutionize the industry. Spoiler alert: it won’t. It’s a glorified kiosk backend with an above average name, not the second coming of AWS. 

Digging deeper in the mix, KFC is now getting its greasy a$$ handed to it by Wingstop and Raising Cane’s. U.S. same-store sales shrank 1%, and now the Colonel has been demoted to fifth place in the domestic chicken chain rankings. Ooof. The company’s solution to the mess? *Checks notes*... Hire a new U.S. chief and pray to God she figures out how to make people care about chicken again. Sounds legit. 

(Source: Yahoo Finance) 

CEO David Gibbs, who clearly has one foot out the door since he announced he’s retiring in 2026, got on the call and nonchalantly told investors it’s rough out there but Taco Bell is vibing. Not his exact words, but you get the point. Additionally, he also said that they’re throwing some massive global franchise convention in Australia, which sounds like a masqueraded tax-deductible vacation for executives. So if you’re wondering why profit growth will be soft in the first half of the year, there’s your answer. Shrimp cocktails and kangaroo selfies.

Meanwhile, other U.S. brands are bracing for the incoming tariff apocalypse courtesy of Trump’s economic Molotov cocktail. But Yum! doesn’t seem to be worried. From their point of view they aren’t experiencing any supply chain issues, no backlash in China, and no signs of anti-American sentiment. Which either means they’re bulletproof, or completely oblivious. At this point, I’d bet on the latter. It’s always the guys smiling the hardest who don’t realize they’re walking into traffic.

(Source: Giphy) 

So yeah, that’s Yum!’s earnings. If you’re still sober enough to care: Yum! is a three-headed fast-food beast where only one head isn’t rotting. Taco Bell is dragging the corpse forward, KFC is leaking relevance, and Pizza Hut is decomposing in real time. The company is betting everything on digital sales and some vague promise of long-term growth while its CEO plans his retirement party two years in advance.

But again, EPS beat by a penny, so the machine is still humming I guess. As for the stock, gains are up 12.64% YTD, but down -5.34% MTD. Meaning, it’s only a matter of time if the overarching trend keeps shares alive, or the past months economic events are about to kneecap any optimism Yum! Brands has going forward. Which means, for now, keep your eyes open and heads on the swivel—and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends… 

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Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.