Databricks Puts a Bullet Into IPO Hopes (Catch’s Massive $4B “L’s” Instead)

Funding secured… 

It appears that Data intelligence company Databricks just raised a Series L (L as in: “lol why would we ever go public?). The company pulled in a brinks truck sized $4B at a $134B valuation, which is up 34% from the $100B number it printed literally three months ago. Translation: Some may call this growth… I call it private markets doing lines off the hood of a friggin’ Rivian. 

Live look at IPO investors right now… 

(Source: X) 

Meaning, Databricks just gave every potential investor licking their chops for an IPO a full-throated rejection of public markets as a concept. Which, honestly, makes sense. As we all know, IPOs are all about raising capital. But now, they’re about getting yelled at on earnings calls by guys named Brad who bought your stock at the top. And Databricks (in the voice of Stevie) “don’t want no part-time lovers”. Why? Because Databricks already has the money. It already has the customers. It already has the enterprise chokehold. Why would it voluntarily sign up for quarterly ritual humiliation?

Instead management has decided to keep doing what they’ve been doing all year… and that’s raising massive rounds at higher valuations while building infrastructure for the AI gold rush. For context, Lakebase. Agent Bricks. Databases for AI agents. Platforms for “vibe coding.” Whatever you want to call it… Databricks is here for one reason: every company wants to duct-tape AI onto their data, and Databricks is selling the duct tape, the wrench, and the instruction manual. And it’s absolutely printing.

(Source: Tech Crunch) 

Databricks says it’s now doing $4.8B in run-rate revenue, up 55% YoY, with $1B+ coming from AI products alone. Keep in mind, that’s real money, not “adjusted ARR if all the stars align.” Which is why investors are treating it accordingly. This is now the company’s third major raise in under a year, and the valuation path is doing exactly what you think it is: $60B → $100B → $134B. S-1’s be damned. 

As for the Series L round itself, it was led by Insight, Fidelity, and JP Morgan Asset Management, with basically every large fund you’d expect elbowing their way in. If you run a pension fund and don’t own Databricks exposure, that’s probably a career-limiting move at this point. Additionally, what’s most interesting here isn’t Databricks specifically… it’s what this says about the market. Private capital is now so deep, so liquid, and so desperate for “AI-adjacent scale,” that companies can raise IPO-sized checks without dealing with public scrutiny, activist investors, or CNBC anchors asking about EBITDA margins. Translation: Public markets are becoming the exit after everyone’s already rich.

(Source: Imgflip) 

And until that changes, expect more of this. More specifically, late-stage companies raising alphabet-soup rounds, pushing liquidity events further out, and treating IPOs like optional DLC instead of the main storyline. So yeah… that’s the sign of the times right now. Now let’s all pretend to be shocked when Elon pulls a180 and starts catching L’s himself (read: SpaceX). Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.