Couchbase Set to Ghost Public Markets with a $1.5B Payday from Huvali Investments (AI Goes Brrrr)

Couchbase just did what every mid-tier tech company dreams of…. Find a private equity sugar daddy and sign their own permission slip to leave public markets. Haveli Investments is dropping $1.5 billion in straight cash to take Couchbase private, which means shareholders finally get to stop trying to pretend they understand what “multi-cloud NoSQL for AI” actually means. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Huvali is willing to offer $24.50 a share, which is a 29% premium over Wednesday’s close and probably more than you ever expected to see for a company whose main product is “making unstructured data someone else’s problem.” As a result, shares mooned 29% on the news. If you bought last week, that’s a win. If you bought in 2022, well… we all have our fair share of regrets. 

(Source: Reuters) 

But alas, what does a private equity firm like Haveli want anything to do with a code-nerds wet dream that is Couchbase? Well for starters, Haveli is PE’s version of “what if Vista Equity had even less chill?” They already own nearly 10% of Couchbase, so this is less a hostile takeover and more like putting a situationship on Facebook. The go-shop clause means Couchbase can hoe around and shop for another bidder through Monday, but honestly, the only way another bidder shows up is if Larry Ellison gets bored and decides to collect databases like Funko Pops. 

As for Couchbase, they’ve spent the last few years far from the couch and more pretending to be the next MongoDB, name-dropping AI and “cloud-native scale” every earnings call like it was a nervous tic. Their prized “moat”, the Cabella platform, is supposed to help companies wrangle their data so their AI chatbots don’t start quoting Mein Kampf in customer service chats. That’s the pitch. Investors initially didn’t care, until now.

(Source: Giphy) 

Which means the playbook is still working. Go public, slap “AI” on every press release, ride the bandwagon, then let a PE firm buy you out before anyone asks about actual profits. And that’s exactly what’s happening as Haveli wants a piece of the AI havoc before the music stops. Translation: This is the private equity version of buying Bitcoin at $65k: you might look like a genius, or you might be explaining to your LPs why you just paid a billion and a half for a company whose biggest competitive advantage is “not being Oracle.

In the end, while this is just the tip of the details that’ll come out on the buyout, if you’re a shareholder, congrats on your sudden liquidity event. And if you’re one of the few who’s still holding out for a bidding war, I wouldn't hold my breath… This isn’t as exciting as drywall these days (think: GMS and Home Depot).

(Source: Giphy)

Meaning for now, Couchbase won the game, and investors get a nice payday to ride off into the sunset with. Of course, with that said, anything can happen… something could go terribly wrong and shoot this buyout to hell, but until then, touch grass and place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friends…

At the time of this publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.