Costco made two pretty big moves yesterday. One involved billions of dollars in revenue and the other involved a combo calzone stuffed with sausage, pepperoni, and enough cheese to earn a shoutout on Reddit’s front page. And somehow, it was the calzone (not the billion-dollar earnings) that hijacked Reddit, lit up Twitter, and sparked debates about whether marinara on the side should be a human right (you probably think I’m joking). But it’s 2025, and nothing surprises us anymore. TikTok investors are out here taking financial advice from a guy who recently live-streamed himself YOLOing weekly Tesla calls… while eating a Grand Slam breakfast inside a Waffle House bathroom. (Yes, that actually happened. No, he didn’t wash his hands.)
But let’s talk about the part of the story that’s a little more important than the food court… Costco’s fiscal third-quarter earnings. They quietly reported $4.28 per share in profit (vs. the expected $4.24), brought in $63.21 billion in revenue, and posted an 8% jump in same-store sales. E-commerce was up 15.7%, and membership revenue clocked in at $1.24 billion (which means people are still lining up to pay a yearly fee for the privilege of bulk peanut butter and a hot dog that hasn’t changed price since Y2K).
You’d think numbers like that (in a market that feels like it’s being steered by a squirrel hopped up on Red Bull) would’ve sent the stock soaring. But no. Shares dipped slightly after hours. Because I guess, outperforming Walmart, Target, and every other retailer barely keeping it together in this tariff-riddled clown show isn’t enough anymore. (What do you people want? Blood?)
And let’s not pretend it was an easy quarter. Thanks to Trump and Xi Jinping not being able to get along, tariffs are back on the menu, and most retailers are pretty much waving the white flag. But Costco’s acting like the adult in the room. CEO Ron Vachris said they rushed shipments in before the new duties hit, shifted suppliers away from high-tariff countries like China (which only makes up 8% of U.S. sales), and leaned on Kirkland Signature’s global sourcing muscle. They’re now making more Kirkland products in-region to avoid import fees… and when you’re buying at Costco scale, that saves serious cash. (Say what you want about Kirkland jeans, but their logistics game is elite.)
While other retailers are treating tariffs like an excuse to jack up prices (looking at you, Best Buy and Walmart), Costco went in the opposite direction… and I actually respect the hell out of it. CFO Gary Millerchip said they lowered prices on essentials like eggs, butter, and olive oil, even though costs were rising behind the scenes. They took the margin hit on pineapples and bananas too.That’s how you build loyalty… by not price-gouging people just trying to make breakfast.
Of course, not everything stayed cheap. Prices on flowers ticked up, which is fine… because nobody’s shopping at Costco to feel something. You're there to bulk-buy toilet paper and maybe snag a ribeye, not to recreate The Bachelor rose ceremony in your living room. And then came the half-hearted tech tease. Costco said they’re “experimenting” with scan-and-go checkout… pretty much the same tech Sam’s Club launched, like, three CEOs ago. Their version involves QR codes and app-based scanning, but it’s still in testing.
In total, Costco pulled off a strong quarter. Net income hit $1.9 billion. They opened nine new warehouses, with ten more coming next quarter. And analysts are still bullish. Bernstein raised their price target to $1,153. Raymond James is holding steady at $1,070. Yes, the valuation’s rich (nearly 59x earnings) but that’s the price of admission when you’re the most reliable name in American retail not named Amazon.
PS: It’s a mess out there.
One day the market’s ripping, the next day it’s Black Monday all over again. Recent earning’s reports have been a total coin flip. One stock beats and explodes 30%… the next misses by a penny and gets sent to the Shadow Realm. And through it all, everyone’s begging for Jerome Powell to finally cave and cut rates.
But underneath all the panic headlines (“Inflation too sticky!” “Recession imminent!” “Tariffs round 4 incoming!”) something wild is happening…
We’re seeing violent price action. Especially in the small-cap space, where low floats and high anxiety are creating the perfect recipe for 100%+ pops before lunchtime. Some of these names are moving 200%+ in under 24 hours… and to our knowledge, NO ONE else is covering them.
Except us.
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Stock.News has positions in Amazon.
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