“It’ll be different this time.” - everyone who’s ever taken back a cheater Nvidia shareholders

Never mind guys, AI is fine (as of this writing).

On Wednesday, the Nasdaq ripped 1.9%, the S&P 500 climbed 1.4%, and the Dow tacked on 193 points (0.4%). That’s one day after the Leather Jacket Lothario (read: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang) dragged the whole market down with him.

Leading the charge was the still-proud owner of sh*t loads of Nvidia GPUs (read: CoreWeave), which mooned 20% the day after its Q3 beat-and-raise. ICYMI, revenue jumped 168% to $3.66B, and it bumped up its 2026 revenue and operating income outlook. It also expects about $9B in customer prepayments over the next three months (read: cash up front, for once).

Friendly reminder, this is the same stonk that lost 40% in a month as investors bailed on AI infrastructure. Even after Wednesday, it’s down nearly 30% from a month ago, which, not great, Bob.

As for Jensen, Nvidia got a 4% dead cat bounce after shedding nearly 10% to start the week, when he admitted to an affair with an alleged Chinese spy. The stock is still down about 14% in November (think: roughly $700B in market value), so Wall Street isn’t putting out just yet.

Meanwhile, Anthropic is officially a week away from going public. Per an updated SEC filing, the AI lab plans to sell 825M shares at $70-$78 a pop, valuing the five-year-old company at up to a mere $1.4T. Pathetic. For context, the chatter a few weeks ago was $2T. According to CNBC, shares are expected to start trading under ANT on Nov. 19, which… *checks notes*... is the same day GTA 6 finally drops (cue the sick days).

Oh, and Anthropic is spending its last week as a private company picking a fight with the company that took Clippy from us (and made up for it with Teams). On Tuesday, it unveiled Claude Sheets, Claude Whiteboards, and Claude Data, a suite of AI workplace tools aimed squarely at Excel and the rest of Office. Microsoft took another L (-2%) on Wednesday, its second straight red day. Mind you, Microsoft agreed to invest up to $5B in Anthropic last year, which, imagine paying to get cucked.

Elsewhere, in stonk land, Azenta popped 22%. The Massachusetts company you’ve probably never heard of basically gets paid to keep biological samples really, really cold. Its adjusted Q4 earnings came in at 28 cents a share vs. the 11 cents the Street expected, which, holy sh*t. Revenue also beat ($167M vs. $160.2M), and it dropped a bigly outlook for next year.

But the real degen of the day was Six Flags director and professional bagholder Rehan Jaffer. His fund, H Partners, scooped up 1.45M shares over three days for a cool $14.9M (about $10 a share), and the stock rose about 8%, because of course it did.

You might recall that H Partners also bought in June… at around $23.50. Since then, Six Flags posted a $366M Q3 loss and cut its Q4 outlook on weak October attendance. Not to mention, Jana Partners (plus Travis Kelce, for some reason) has spent all year begging the board (Rehan included) to sell the whole thing.

It’ll be different this time, right, Rehan? Right?!

Place your bets accordingly, friends… Until next time! 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

 

☕ Market Gossip

> Congress Set to Subpoena Nvidia’s Jensen Huang, Republican Says (Bloomberg): C-SPAN’s about to put up Super Bowl numbers…

> All 7 Anthropic founders will each cash out about $250M in IPO (TechCrunch): Ocean’s OpenAI’s Seven

> OpenAI Continues to Suffer Heavy Losses as Revenue Rises to $10 Billion (Wall Street Journal): Suffering from success…

> Fed’s Goolsbee calls inflation report ‘borderline disturbing’ as central bank weighs more hikes (CNBC): “Borderline disturbing.” - my therapist the Chicago Fed

 

“WTF” Meme of the Day

Ok, last one… I promise…

 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Microsoft as mentioned in the article.