Coinbase Decides Crypto Wasn’t Degenerate Enough, Goes Full-Send Into Kalshi Partnership…

No crying in the casino…

Just when you thought Coinbase had fully cornered the market on late-night regret trades… they go ahead and add another unhinged casino to the aesthetic. 

(Source: Giphy) 

According to reports, Coinbase is getting its freak on with Kalshi to roll out prediction markets directly inside the app. Meaning: right next to your Bitcoin bags and whatever cursed alt you swore was “early,” you’ll soon be able to bet on real-world outcomes like elections, rate cuts, and whatever feral word Alex Karp says next. What’s the worst that can happen? 

(Source: CNBC) 

Y tho? 

Simple, crypto trading volumes have been cooling, while retail attention spans are cooked. So Coinbase wants to add a little flavor in it’s quest as the “everything exchange”. (Read: Stocks, tokens, event contracts, etc.) Soooo Robinhood? Pretty much. Basically, if it can be traded, speculated on, or ruin a family… Coinbase wants to get its damned dirty paws on it. And honestly, it checks out. Prediction markets have quietly become the most addicting thing on the internet. They’re cleaner than sports betting, more unhinged than equities, and give you the illusion of being informed while doing something incredibly stupid. It’s perfect. Kalshi brings the regulatory cover, Coinbase brings the eyeballs, and suddenly you’re one click away from putting rent money on whether Powell blinks first or Congress shuts down again. “Merica, baby! 

However, as you might guess… not everyone is chugging nose beer in celebration for this. For instance, the adults in the room (see: Charles Schwab CEO, Rick Wurster) popped up to remind everyone there’s “a bright line between investing and gambling”. Aaaaand if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is. Still though, the writing’s on the wall. This is where the world is heading, regardless of how much wadded it makes chinks like Wurster. Robinhood already flirted with this. Kalshi’s been embedding itself everywhere. And Coinbase isn’t trying to protect you… it’s trying to keep you opening the app.

(Source: Giphy) 

Now zoom out, and it’s blatantly obvious what’s happening here. Brokerages are literally becoming casinos with compliance departments. Markets are entertainment now, while fundamentals are optional. Meaning, if you’re not offering something spicy, users will just wander off to the next dopamine machine. Coinbase knows this… Brian Armstrong knows this. And the second this thing launches… someone is going to lose their shirt on something they don’t understand (and feel smarter doing it). 

So yeah… prediction markets are coming to Coinbase. Not because it’s a good idea… but because it’s inevitable in 2026. What a time to be alive, I tell ya. Place your bets accordingly, friends… Until next time! 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Robinhood as mentioned in the article.