“We are so back baby”

After two straight red days, the market finally remembered it likes money. The Dow popped +293 points (+0.60%) to 49,442, the S&P 500 added 0.26% to 6,944, and the Nasdaq inched up 0.25% to 23,530. Of course, we did the classic move where everything ripped early… then cooled off into the close. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Case in point: The Dow was up over +430 at one point, the Nasdaq was flirting with +1%, and then everyone collectively remembered they have trust issues. Still the euphoria today was simple: Chips good, banks good, panic = canceled. Speaking of chips, because that’s where most of the juice was…. Taiwan Semiconductor put on an absolute heater after reporting another record quarter, all while guiding 2026 capex to $52B–$56B, which is a psychotic number in the best possible way. Ballin’. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Naturally, TSM ripped over 4%. ASML jumped 5% like it just got a fresh stimmy check. Nvidia tacked on another ~2%. And even the SMH ETF climbed ~2%. Translation: t was a full-blown “chips are back” day, which is hilarious because the market was ready to bury them like 36 hours ago. Adding flame to the fire, the U.S. and Taiwan apparently reached a trade agreement that includes Taiwanese semiconductor and tech firms investing at least $250B in U.S. production capacity. In exchange, U.S. tariffs on Taiwanese goods won’t exceed 15%. 

Elsewhere, banks got their DJ-Sol on as Goldman Sachs jumped more than 4% after posting a Q4 profit beat. Morgan Stanley surged nearly 6% after wealth management carried the quarter like a single mom with two jobs. The result: both his fresh 52 week highs. Meanwhile, in the middle of all this, Bernstein comes out and says Costco (+0.61%) can rally 20% because it’s a “compounder.” Which is a nice way of saying people will continue paying $1.50 for a hot dog until the sun burns out. And Costco will keep printing cash while the rest of corporate America fights for its life on Threads (sup, Chipotle). 

(Source: Reddit) 

So yeah… today was another day of chaos, but the good kind. Chips got a green light from the one company that actually knows what demand looks like. Banks didn’t implode. Tariff fears got duct-taped into a “deal.” And just like that, we’re back to mooning, and “BTMFD” baby! Until next time, friends… 🧨

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

 

☕ Market Gossip

> NATO nations deploy to Greenland after tense White House talks (CNBC): “Gata don’t take no sh*t” - Trump right now… 

> Goldman’s Stock Traders Beat Their Own Wall Street Record (Bloomberg): DJ-Sol is about to drop the hottest rave of 2026… 

> Spotify hikes U.S. Premium subscription price months after last rate increase (CNBC): Hey Alexa, play “thank you, next” by Ariana Grande… 

> Microsoft, Meta, and Amazon are paying up for “enterprise” access to Wikipedia (Verge): Whatever the hell that means… *proceeds to read about it on Wikipedia*
 

“WTF” Meme of the Day

Live Footage of Nicolas Cage doing his taxes…

 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Microsoft, Meta, and Amazon as mentioned in the article.