Breaking: Elon’s Robotaxi Circus Is Officially Going LIVE In Austin—Tesla’s Godsend?

“It’s about d*mn time”-- every Tesla investor, probably.

If you listen closely on June 22nd, you’ll hear it: the sound of a thousand insurance actuaries quietly sobbing into their keyboards as Tesla will officially unleash its self-driving Model Ys onto the streets of Austin. Meaning, Elon’s saving grace is about to become (sort of) reality, and if you thought the Rainey Street Ripper was the wildest thing Austin’s seen lately, you might want to stay indoors a little longer. (As for the 3,200 homeless people counted on a single night roaming the streets of Austin… good luck). 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Elon says this will start with a whole fleet of 10… maybe 20 if he’s feeling generous… unmodified Model Ys. No extra sensors, no lidar (because nothing spikes Musk’s blood pressure quite like the word “lidar”), and absolutely no radar. Just regular, off-the-lot Teslas running beefed-up software and an overload of “don’t hit the taco truck” prayers beamed directly from Fremont. 

Now of course, he did promise this was coming in 2019, and in 2020 (and every year since)... but now, he’s promising actual rides this month. However, don’t hold your breath considering the “date could shift” because Tesla is “being super paranoid about safety”. Elons words, not mine. Spoiler: The initial launch was supposed to be today LOL.

(Source: Reuters) 

As for the optics here, Tesla’s keeping it all in-house, meaning you’ll hail your ride right from the Tesla app (assuming you’re one of the chosen few, think: employees, influencers, big wigs, etc.). Oh, and speaking of safety, this fleet will only operate in “the safest” neighborhoods, which probably means the areas least likely to have pedestrians with lawsuits on speed dial.

As for the “why now”, well it’s obvious. Tesla HQ is collectively losing their minds as sales are down, China’s EV companies are swarming like locusts, and Elon’s taken his hobby of pissing off both political parties to Olympic levels. So turning Tesla into a “robotics and AI” company is his latest pivot, and finally fulfilling on his robotaxi promises is the exact catalyst Elon desperately needs. 

(Source: Wall Street Journal) 

With that said, from an investor’s perspective, this is make-or-break territory. You’ve got Musk promising hundreds of thousands of robotaxis by the end of next year… which statistically, feels about as likely as me getting the green light from my wife to go golfing this weekend. If you recall, Tesla’s stock has been a meme-stock rollercoaster lately, bouncing on every AI rumor and autonomous vehicle headline… to being absolutely torched because of Elon’s choiced words. So if these Austin shuttles perform even slightly better than your average Roomba, bulls are going to milk it for every ounce of hype it has. 

If… not when… one of these things pulls a Fast & Furious on South Congress, expect a sh*t storm of regulatory headaches and some impressive legal arguments about what “driverless” really means. Meanwhile, Waymo’s out here mapping cities molecule by molecule, and Zoox is busy building cars that look like they were designed by someone who exclusively watches The Fifth Element. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In the end, Austin…. a city famous for live music, breakfast tacos, and hook’em horns is set to be the birthplace of Elon’s first successful ride-hailing terminator. If all goes well, it’ll be a God send for Elon and his empire. And if not, atleast insurance premiums are about to enter the stratosphere. For now, keep your eyes on this story and keep your head on a swivel (literally and figuratively). Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Tesla as mentioned in the article.