Leave it to Trump to single-handedly boost the morale of the degenerate side of Wall Street (to which I’m not a part of, I have fashion friends). ICYMI, Bitcoin just skyrocketed nearly $14,000 in three days—because Donnie Politics announced he's launching a U.S. strategic crypto reserve. Meaning, the U.S. Government has officially just become your crypto whale uncle. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Bitcoin went from "we might actually die here" levels around $78K on Friday to skyrocketing above $92K by Monday morning, with a weekend high hitting $95,000. Ether tagged along, climbing 13% to around $2,300. Even Coinbase (+9%) and Robinhood (+7%) stockholders woke up this morning feeling richer. In addition, Strategy, the de facto Bitcoin ETF in disguise, popped +12% in pre-market, just in time for Saylor to cancel his newly scheduled therapy sessions (Wendy Rhodes, anyone?). 

Naturally, the chaos all started as Trump took to Truth Social on Sunday to spill the tea on his crypto reserve picks. And it wasn’t just BTC and ETH—he threw XRP, Solana’s SOL, and Cardano’s ADA into the mix too. Altcoin holders right now: "Did we just become best friends?"

(Source: CNBC) 

What's more is that this yuge move marks a pivot from the "bitcoin stockpile" Trump previously teased. Instead, this time he’s going bigger, flashier, and more buzzword-friendly with a “strategic crypto reserve”—which on the surface, sounds more sophisticated, but basically the same idea as a stockpile. Federico Brokate from 21 Shares basically called it: “This move signals active U.S. government participation in crypto—which could accelerate institutional adoption and regulatory clarity.” Translation: Trump just gave crypto the kind of legitimacy that even your grandma can understand.

Now obviously, we all saw something like this coming. Investors have been thirsty for crypto-friendly policies since Trump’s election win. After all, the Biden administration spent the past few years treating crypto like a weird stray you don’t really know what to do with. Trump, on the other hand, well, his SEC is the peoples SEC. And now, all eyes are on White House Crypto Summit happening this Friday as White House AI & Crypto czar David Sacks teased on X that there’s “more to come”. Which means, one thing and one thing only, things are about to get lit AF. 

(Source: Reuters) 

So yeah, very fitting especially after months of crypto market consolidation and a brutal February correction—this announcement was exactly the kind of catalyst markets needed, says Joel Kruger from LMAX Group. Bitcoin dipping below $90K last week for the first time in three months had crypto traders panic-selling like it was Black Friday at Walmart. But now, markets have their swagger back. Geoff Kendrick at Standard Chartered even doubled down on his wild $500K Bitcoin prediction before Trump leaves office. (Is he high or just bullish? Yes.)

Adding to the frenzy, regulatory filings show hedge funds, banks, and even sovereign wealth funds quietly filling their crypto bags more than usual in recent months. The Trump-fueled crypto reserve news probably has them feeling like geniuses—or at least like that friend who finally bought Bitcoin after 100 "I told you so" speeches. Even James Butterfill from CoinShares was surprised Trump name-dropped altcoins: "Unlike Bitcoin, these assets are more like tech investments—it's a patriotic stance toward crypto innovation, regardless of fundamentals." Translation: Trump’s crypto reserve is less Warren Buffett, more Elon Musk (very fitting to say the least). 

(Source: Giphy) 

The best part about all of this? Trump's crypto reserve plan might not even require congressional approval—in fact, some experts say it could be done via the U.S. Treasury’s Exchange Stabilization Fund. So yeah, it’s getting hot in here, and Trump is fanning the crypto flame for all it’s worth.

Meaning, whether you love him, hate him, or blocked him on your entire social media life years ago, Trump's crypto reserve plan just changed the game. He’s now officially the crypto industry's #1 hype man, putting crypto on the same level as oil, gold, and other strategic reserves. And who knows—if Bitcoin actually hits anywhere near Kendrick’s $500K target, crypto bros might actually start petitioning to put Trump's face on the $BTC logo (to which I’d say, sounds legit and understandable). But hey, this is crypto we’re talking about here. Is it wild? Yes? Impossible? Nothing in crypto is. 

(Source: Giphy) 

But for now, let’s all relish in the fact that crypto is having its own roaring 20’s moment, and we are all here to watch it happen. Will I buy into crypto? Hell no. Will I regret it later? Most likely—but what’s life without living on the edge of danger, especially when that danger leads to a deflating dollar that ceases to exist only in history books? In the meantime, though, don’t listen to me and place your bets accordingly, friends. As always, stay safe and stay frosty! Until next time… 

P.S. My buddy Jared is sharp as hell—probably one of the smartest guys I know. But when it comes to investing? An absolute clown. Why? Because he doesn’t grasp the one thing that separates winners from losers in the market: information. And not just any information—I’m talking about the kind of intel that Wall Street hoards like the FBI hoards Hunter Biden's laptop—because the second retail traders get their hands on it, their edge starts to disappear.

Moral of the story here? Don’t be a Jared. Get access to the real market-moving data, the stuff hidden behind paywalls and institutional gatekeeping by joining Stocks.News premium. At the end of the day, the market isn’t playing fair—so why should you? 

Stocks.News holds positions in Robinhood as mentioned in the article.