There are a few things in this world you just don’t see. Bigfoot at a 7-Eleven. Elon Musk setting reasonable expectations. And a major U.S. bank turning down a billion-dollar deposit. But according to Donald J. Trump, that’s exactly what happened… not once, but twice.

In a recent CNBC interview, Trump said JPMorgan Chase gave him 20 days to move “hundreds of millions in cash” out of his accounts. Then, after trying to drop $1 billion-plus into Bank of America, he says they looked him dead in the eyes and said: “We can’t do it.” (Which, if true, might be the most expensive and shocking rejection in financial history.)

Now look, I don’t care if the guy walking in is Darth Vader, Voldemort, or the actual Devil himself… nobody in business history turns away a billion-dollar customer. You could stroll into a casino with $100K and they’ll upgrade your suite, comp your dinner, and let you walk your pet llama through the poker room. A billion? They’d name the whole building after you.

So why’d this allegedly happen? Trump’s theory is politics. He claims the banks “discriminated against [him] very badly,” despite having been “very good to the banks.” (He did try to deregulate half of Wall Street… that’s gotta be worth a fruit basket, at least.) He believes Biden-era regulators pressured big banks to blacklist anyone rocking a red tie and orange spray tan.

He claims he had to ditch the big boys and start banking like a traveling circus act… wiring chunks of cash to small-town banks like he was running a money-laundering side quest in Grand Theft Auto. “$10 million here at this sketch bank, $10 million there.” You know, normal stuff.

Even Melania allegedly got debanked. Barron too. (Tough break when you’re a teenager trying to open a checking account and the bank’s like, “Sorry kid, your dad's too controversial for the FDIC.”) Sounds insane, right? Like tinfoil hat territory. But here’s where things get weird: the banks… aren’t exactly denying it happened.

JPMorgan and BofA both claim they don’t close accounts over politics… but then they immediately point to Washington. Jamie Dimon said it himself: “We haven’t debanked anyone because of political or religious relationships.” Then added: “But regulatory clarity would be helpful.” Translation: The feds made us do it.

Look, I know we’ve gotta take everything (especially when it comes from Donald) with a grain of salt the size of a softball. But this isn’t just his personal conspiracy. Crypto execs have been beating this drum for years (which is kinda funny, considering if crypto is so superior and cash is trash, why do they need a bank account at all?). Religious organizations have raised red flags too. And now even the tech bros are showing up to the party with the same complaints.

One of my worst character flaws is that I still listen to Joe Rogan’s podcast, and I remember this episode vividly: back in 2024, Marc Andreessen (the venture capitalist who backed Facebook and Airbnb) told Rogan he personally knew 30 startup founders who’d been debanked during the Biden years. Rogan called it “scary as hell.” Elon Musk jumped in on X, saying it was proof of “how evil the government has become.” (When Elon and Joe Rogan are finishing each other’s sentences, you know the simulation is glitching.)

So where does this leave us? With a stock market that kinda blinked but didn’t totally freak. JPMorgan and Bank of America shares slipped about 1% each after Trump’s comments… nothing dramatic, but clearly not ignored either. Wall Street heard the noise, shrugged a little, and went back to pricing in Fed rate cuts.

But this isn’t just about Trump being salty. The White House is now preparing an executive order aimed at punishing banks that “debank” customers for political reasons. It would give regulators the green light to investigate, fine violators, and even loop in the DOJ if necessary. In other words: the gloves are coming off.

And the big banks? They’re suddenly racing to say, “No, no, we love conservatives… we swear!” They’ve been huddling with Republican AGs, revising internal policies, and practically begging regulators for clear rules so they don’t get caught in the crossfire.  Because here’s the uncomfortable reality: banks aren’t trying to pick sides… they’re just trying to protect their billion-dollar balance sheets.

So now we’re in this upside-down moment where a guy who used to have his own 757, his own board game, and his own currency (shoutout to Trump Bucks) can’t even get a checking account at Bank of America. And if he got the boot while holding stacks of cash, what chance does the average business owner or startup founder have? If access to the financial system depends on whether your politics make regulators twitch, we’re not talking about banking anymore… we’re talking about gatekeeping. And that’s not a Trump problem. That’s a problem for all of us.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Meta as mentioned in the article.